Confession

Have you ever had anything you've wanted to say to someone in your family?
Your mother, father, brother, sister, grandfather...

Whether it be a word of thanks, or a bitter rant...
What would you say?

(Lock if too similar to Confession thread; though I wouldn't think so :/ )

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Dear Dad,

I don't miss you.
I miss the father you used to be.

I used to cry, I used to be angry, I used to hate you, but now...I don't care. Do you understand how terrible things are between us? If I don't care that means that I've given up on you. People say that you see God in your parents, especially your father. For a while, I didn't want to believe in a God that left me, because I didn't want to believe in a father that left me (and Mum, and my brother). You're so fucking blinded by money, but life isn't about money; it's about people. It's about your family.

The reason I became asexual is, because I witnessed first hand that marriage is utter bullshit. The reason I used to (and still do) hate boys so much is, because I was so revolted by all the affairs, divorces, and shit that goes on in your side of the family. The reason I don't want to be loved and be loved is, because I'm afraid that someone's going to hurt me, kill me, and destroy me just like how you did to mom.

The reason I don't even believe in love is, because of your marriage.

And Dad-
I know.

I know that you didn't want me. I know why I was born: for the sole purpose of keeping mum sane, and the marriage intact. I know that you couldn't care less if I was born, but you love your son so much. Why? Because he's a boy, but you know what? It breaks my heart every goddamned time when you come, then leave, and I have to watch my brother cry. He's only 11! He's only 11, but he knows everything, and because of that, he understands that he has to pretend to be okay, and cry when no one is watching. Did you know he wouldn't stop crying when I had to confront him?

But you know what, Dad?

I have become so much stronger from all of this. I have seen an unremarkable strength in Mum. I have seen her cry, but I have also seen her prove that she will stand by me and my brother. I want to grow up like her, because she is amazing. I decided that I'm going to live for Mum and my brother. And because I saw a father in my art teacher, I found God again, and I'm going to learn how to forgive you. One day, I'm going to learn how to care, really mean it when I say, "I love you", and forgive you.

Do I love you?
Yes. I suppose. Somewhere deep down inside.

But for sure, I pity you.
Because you're going to grow old, and money is just paper; it's not a companion or a lover. You're going to be old and alone. I cry at the thought of your desolate future.

Please, Dad-
Let's fix this before it's too late.
Together.

Love,
Your child.

Whoa, well, mine's not as intense, but...

Dear Mum,

All those nights you thought I was at Vivienne's, Charlotte's, Monique's, Natalie's - whatever - I was most likely drunk God knows where with a bunch of guys. And I didn't get dropped off home that night - I walked.

Dear Sa-li,
You've been around since before I could remember and you've always been there for my Mum and I, through thick and thin. No matter what. You finally got your girl; my Mum and I am so fucking glad you did. You're the best thing for her. She's so stable now, emotionally, mentally, even her illness has lessened slightly. You're the best person for her and I wouldn't choose anyone else for her. I love you, I don't say it much, but only because I don't need too. You know, you understand. you're my wicked with a Y stepmum, but you don't feel like a step-parent always did to me. I trust you. With everything I've got. I trust you with my Mum, my sister, my brother. I trust you with all of my kin. You're truly amazing. And I never want to be without you again. I want you to be my legal guardian too, that would thrill me no end. If I ever marry, I want you to be there to help send me off. I don't care if you're a woman, I want you and my Dad to do it. I want you to be there for everything, my first day of uni, my graduation, my 18th, everything. You're truly amazing. Thank you, for everything you've done and for everything you will do.

Mom and Dad,

I'm still angry at you for trying to make me a part of your divorce fiasco and forcing me to chose sides.

xyour kid.

Dad,

I'm mad at you.
Nothing you do will ever make this feeling go away.
You broke her heart.
And it's still breaking.

- Daughter

Mama,


Just throw me away.

- Zero

Kuya,

I love you. I never tell you or show it, but I love you.
You're so special, brother.
And I mean that in the most loving and affectionate way possible.

- Sister

Dad, I love you.
Mum, I love you.

I'm a difficult shit sometimes but you've always done everything in your power to make me happy.

- Your youngest.

Ry,

if anything ever happened to you I wouldn't be able to cope.
just so you know, yeh?

ps. time to suck todays dick. :con:

- your big sis.

Dad,

I'm honestly not sure if I'd ever want to meet you, talk to you, write to you, see you, anything.

But, I do wonder if I look like you. That my most often thought.
I have this weird dent in my septum. It's quite distinctive. Mum doesn't have it. Is that yours?
How about that gene that made my hair much lighter than my mothers. Do you have blonde hair, maybe? Or just a mousy brown?
I wonder if we have anything in common, or if you're any good at the thing I'm good at.
Do you like art? Music? Literature?

But, you know, I don't think I'll ever find out.
And I don't really care either way.
(Okay, so some days I do.)

And, you know what else? Sometimes I wonder whos fault it really was.
I wonder who walked away from who.

-- Your daughter.

Dad ,

Make even it a little more obvious that you love him a million times more than your own child and I might break down openly.

- Aoife.

Mum,
I went out with Kurt.
Yes, Kurt Mothersole.
Jan's grandson.
Yes. Try not to be shocked. :tehe:
And also, I am very confused about my sexuality.
I'm sorry.

Mum,
I feel bad that you think I'm honest with you, but almost every weekend I come home off my face and you don't even realise..
Eh. I guess I'm a bit of a deceptive little shit.
And I'm sorry that I'm probably going to end up disappointing you, even though you'd be happy with me being a writer or in music.

Dad,
You know, a lot of the time I really hate you. And hate is a word I don't like to use too much. But I don't see why you can't be honest. I know so much more than you realise and I knew it far before you had the guts to say anything.
Urgh, you didn't even have the guts. I basically told you I knew anyway.
Whatever. I don't even care about you anymore.

Dear Holly,
I'm sorry you didn't love me enough to keep me.
But I am so much better off than anything you would of ever of been able to provide for me.
Don't write to me anymore; you don't exist to me like your love for me didn't exist.
-A.

Mum,
I know that 70% of the time when you say you are going to the hospital,
you are really going out and cheating on Dad with Cam.
I also know that Bridget is only my half sister.
I wish you would just leave, we would be fine without you.

Dad,
I loved him, I really did.
I know that you would have been happy for us.

Dad,
You really think freezing me out like this is making it better? You think reminding me how disappointed you are is too? Do you think that acting the way you are is helping? I don't think it is. All that it's doing is making me want to crawl into a hole and disappear. You know what? I wish I did drink, I wish I did smoke, I wish I had sex all the time, I wish I did smoke weed, I wish I was a tramp. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much when you accuse me of it. You think telling me to stop with my eating problems is going to just magically make me stop? Fat chance. Because we've tried this about, what, four times now? What makes this time so special? I told you why, I told you how and yet you still continue to make me have a shower after dinner. Still make me eat the whole meal, even when it's just too much for me to eat and I feel physically sick without even trying. That's gonna do wonders for trying to keep it down isn't it, Dad? I'm a good girl. I bring home straight a's for you all the time. I'm polite and do all my jobs. I don't sleep around with guys, I don't go out and get drunk or high all the time. I'm sorry if some of the things I said to Mum inferred that. But it's still not true. I wanted the medicare number to get help for my eating troubles. Not contraception. You know I can't do stuff with boys, I freak. You know about my nightmares and why I'm so scared of doing that kind of stuff with boys. Why have you chosen to push this aside and believe I'm a tramp? I'm sorry if I stretched the truth about some things. I'm sorry if I wanted just a little of your attention. I feel like I hardly get any of it is all. The only time is when I'm asking about schoolwork. Other than that is never just you and me. We never spend any time together, properly. I know that I only saw Mum a few weeks ago but how would you feel if you hardly ever got to see me? She can't just come down here and see me, Dad. She's ill and you know that. You'd miss me too if I was living there and would want me down as often as possible. It's not just Mum, but Sa-li, my brother and sister, Grandma, everyone. Why can't you just be more sensitive instead of assuming everything? I bent the truth because I want to be your little girl. That's all I've ever wanted, for you to be proud of me Daddy. But I just don't know how to gain your approval; you make it so hard. I don't know what to do. I really don't...I'm sorry, for the millionth time, that I'm not good enough for you. I doubt I ever will be.

Mama,
I wish you truly believed that he did those things to me because I know you don't and you blame me for making him leave. It's like it happened, you didn't really believe me and you still talked to him then you moved on and now you never bring it up. You never even think to ask how I am anymore or if I still think about it. It feels like now that you've got this "new" family that we aren't so important to you anymore. You don't even bother to talk to us properly unless it's to yell at us to do something for you or to tell us how stupid what we're doing is. I'm sorry if we aren't the perfect children but what do you expect? We're only teenagers, we can't do everything the right way! I can't even listen to the music that I love nowadays without you bashing it. What happened to the days when you would decide you were going to take us to the movies randomly or buy us that t-shirt we wanted? Now you wouldn't even buy me a school bag without me having to work for it in some way. I miss the old days. All three of us know you love your new son more then you love any of us but you can't just forget about us! You tell us we can go and live at our dads and in all honesty, a lot of the time I wish I could because it would be a hell of a lot better then living with you constantly screaming at us about everything. I can't even have my own opinion now without you saying i've said something wrong.
I have so much to say to you yet how could I ever get the guts to tell you what I feel? Even if I did I know what would happen. You would yell and everything would go back to normal.

Mum,
Stop running my life for me. You're just driving me away.
I'm going to have friends who are boys and I'm going to go to parties in fancie dress and dance with boys.
I don't need protecting like my other sisters. I'm not going to fly off the rails like Abi did, I promise. Just let me get on with things and I'll be fine.

Dad,
You realise I'm coming to live with you if I find out you're in Australia.
I dislike you for running like that, but I'll let you make it up to me with lots of presents. :cute:

Step grandad,

I don't even call you 'grandad' anymore, your just simply Dennis.
I honestly cannot believe you were going to steal from my great nan nan. The woman who was so silly to trust you. I don't know why she did it, you're so slimy and you worm your way in and manipulate everyone to think like you. You always used to say that dad, uncle Mark and Guy were all bad people, but they were in fact the good ones. It was pure bullshit. I hate that you called my dad an alcoholic, no wonder he had trouble coping when nan nan died, if thats the kind of support he recieved from you, his step father. It was all talk though, wasn't it? Lets face facts, the second you saw the three of them standing together at that funeral, you bit your tongue, and you didn't even come to the after party thing in Skegness. You were scared they'd say something to you, not that they would, they're better than that and have more respect for their grandmother/aunty, unlike you who was going to run off with her things and the money she so stupidly trusted you with.

Say what you like now, I honestly don't care. You can spread your poison elsewhere. But when I'm eighteen, I'm coming for nan nan's wedding ring, because I believe she left that to me, not you. It's not your possession to decide what to do with it.

I despise every bone in your slimy body.

I do wonder how long Linda will stick around and let you manipulate her. She's just your puppet, you put thoughts into her head and words into her mouth. You disgust me.

- your once step granddaughter.

Dear Brother,
I want to thank you for keeping me alive. For making me think twice about the choices I was going to make; about the problems I was bound to face. And for telling me not to turn out like you. We may fight, but you're the only one who has ever had true faith in me. You are the only one who ever believed that I could go far, say what was on my mind, and tell me to be true to myself. You're my inspiration, my hero, and even though we may be drifting apart because of your girlfriend, I still love you.
-Your youngest sister.

--

Dear grandmother,
I miss you beyond belief. Everytime I see your picture on my wall, I feel the emptiness that will always be evident in my heart. It's empty without you here, and I feel so cold- so hostile. You were the only adult who gave me the strength to face my fears. But now I have nothing left to fear. The day you died, I woke up. I felt you leave this world. I felt you leave me. My heart will forever be empty until we meet again.
-Your granddaughter.

----

Mom,
Stop lying to me. Stop saying you love me.
I know you don't.
-Your daughter.

Brendan,

Things haven't been the same since you died, and they never will be, will they? You were the best big brother ever, and the day you were murdered marked the beginning of a whole new chapter I never thought I would have to go down.

I love you lots, and I only wish we had more time together. But the time we did have together, I know is a blessing. It's not goodbye for forever, and I know you're partying on down in Heaven! Do the dance!

Love, your sister.
Fionnuala
xx

*

Ma.

You rock. I don't know how you've raised 13 children and kept your sanity, but you have. Well, just about. I love you so much. We have our ups and our downs, but I love you. I do, really. And I'm so glad that out of the 6 billion people on this planet, you're the one who's here, as mad as anything.

Love, your daughter.
Fionnuala
xx

*

Da,

You're amazing, too. You listen to my ramblings and you manage to try to understand me. Sometimes you go over the top on Da Rules, but that's to be expected. Everything you do, is for my own good. I love you.

We shall be drunk in Ibiza again one day! Or Australia ...

Love, your daughter.
Fionnuala
xx

Dad,
I can't say I hate you but I can't say I like you. I don't like you for doing what you did. Treating them the way you did. I can't hate you, for I haven't seen you in what seems like forever.
I can't even call you 'dad' anymore. I never did call you dad. You're not fit to be a father and you never were.
Your kids have given up on you. Your ex-wife has given up on you. We all know you won't change. And really, no one cares about you any longer.
-Your daughter

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Sister,
I hate how you treat me. How you see me as inferior. How you hate that I 'embarrass' you so much. How you hate that we go to the same school. How you hate that people know we're related. It's like you don't care for me. Like you don't even like me at all. You treat me horribly. You make me feel horrible. You think you're all that. You think you're so great. Well you're not. You're a bitch and you know it. You're cruel to people when they don't agree with you. You get bitchy when things don't go your way.
Funny how we're 'sisters' yet we hate each other so much. I can't even call you a 'sister' anymore.
-Your sister

---

Mom,
You're one of the strongest people I know. You've been through hell and yet you still find the strength to have hope and move forward in life. We fight often but what mother and daughter doesn't? I still love you and I know I need you more than either of us know. So thank you for always being there and staying strong. For not giving up even when things seemed impossible to move past.
-Your daughter