Comment the Summary

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Directions

• Make a post claiming the story of the person above you.
• Read the story's summary and write your comment. Post your comment on the story's comment page, as well as in your post here. Comments must have a word-count of at least 100 words (not including quotes).
• Edit your post here - adding the the comment and leaving a link for the story you'd like commented.

If the last person left a comment that doesn't fit this thread's requirements, DO NOT claim their piece. Report the post to a board moderator and wait for them to make a decision.

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Crystalline

^ Claim, because this sounds like fun!

Hmm... I'm not quite sure what to think of it I mean, I like the language you used, but I just think it gives away too much of the plot. I would prefer (personally) more description of this mysterious gem (which sounds awesome xD) and more about why she's looking for it. It's an interesting summary, no doubt, but I just think it gives too much away.

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The Vampire's Mistress

The actually summary is between the banner and the - mark. Past the dash is more of my comments xD

^ Claimed.

I thought the first paragraph was worded perfectly. I liked that you came right out and said what had happened, since it's such a daunting thing, the fact that you didn't beat around the bush or add any kind of flowery description of the event, made the outlook even more bleak. The starkness of it really set the mood for the story.

- But the radiation mutated human DNA, creating new hair and eye colours, new blood types, and most importantly, X Bloods and Vampires.

I don't really know why, but that line (the one I bolded) doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the narrative so far. Maybe it's the vocabulary you used there that stands out from the rest of it? Or maybe if you were less specific about what changes in appearances occurred, that would better fit? I just didn't sit right.

After the first couple of paragraphs, though the ideas became more interesting, the writing kind of fizzled. The way you narrated the rest of the summary changed a bit from that more authoritative voice the piece started out in, and it felt like you didn't chose your words as carefully (and effectively) as you did at the start. I also think the tense in those paragraphs didn't work with the content. Since you were (mostly) talking about what happened in the present (more present than the end of the world anyway), I think it would have been a little better if the tense you used was in the tense the story would actually be using.

BUT I would definitely continue reading this story, because the premise alone seems really interesting. I've seen a few alternate universe stories with a plot similar to this, but I can tell from your summary that yours isn't going to be the overdone human-slave falls in love with vampire-master thing. And your writing style is also something I want to see more of.

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Under the Endless Moon

Claimed ^

Although short, I think your summary is very effective. By using a quote you've taken the reader sraight into the heart and action of your story which means they are probably really going to want to read on which is what a summary should achieve. The title alone of your story us very mysterious and I love it. The language you use is very sophisticated and engaging.

The first sentence: "She was too emotional, a sickening rotation of sobs and breathing and retching making it's way out of her throat. - is so beautifully written that it already has me drawn into the story and has me asking questions such as who is this girl? Why is she vomiting? Which is again what a summary should do.

As much as I want to criticise this, I can't think of any way you should actually change your summary as it's very succint, concise and effective as it is. maybe some people would say they want more information about the actual story, but in my opinion its more than fine the way it is already.

My story: Soldier

You should leave the link for me so I could access it quicker without leaving the current page.

But the only thing I actually found wrong was this line:
Instead she turns to Luke the only constant and right thing in her life, who....
If it were me I would put a comma after Luke because when I read it, I mentally put a pause there which probably means there should be a comma.

I wouldn't mind more information on the story because if I started to read it then I would be going in a little blind. But over all I give you a 8/10

My summary is in the link in my signature (Library of Memories)

^ Claim :D

While I really like the ideas being presented, it just seemed too tell and not show. I didn't really like the second paragraph at all for this reason, and I feel it could have been presented better. "This is a story" and "He has been" seem like phrases that might open a book, but not be in the summary. That's just my opinion of it, though. But the first paragraph was really interesting and did it's job pretty well. "Many have heard of this place but you will never visit until your life has gone." I dunno, that was my favorite line in it xD It made me laugh, because it's almost contradictory. Yay paradoxes.

In all, it draws you in, and that's what counts, but I just feel it could be tweaked a little.

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I'd like feedback on my NaNo story summary. The actual story summary is everyting between the title and the three dashes (---). Don't worry, I'll have a layout for it later :)
Bently McQuinn Saves Literature

^ Claimed and commented:

Audrey T.:

The first thing I noticed with your long-summary is that there seemed to be a lot going on with it. It appeared that you just couldn't choose any one piece to actually be the long summary, so you decided to stuff them all in there. I think that detracts from your summary and makes each part lose it's impact. Maybe if you just chose one main part for your summary and perhaps add the other parts elsewhere in the story, your summary would make the story more alluring to your readers.

Since there's a few parts to your summary, I guess I'll comment on them each separately:

There are many worlds parallel to our own....

I liked this summary because I felt like it was saying something important about how we see the world, while giving us a bit of a hint about what would be happening in the story. That's why I think it'll make a good short summary. If saw that on the story overview page, I'd definitely be interested in reading more. This story made me think that this would be either a sci-fi or fantasy story, which I'm always interested in, and I'm even more interested in stories about time-travel or dimensions and other worlds.

Stephanie Meyer has written her saga...Bently McQuinn thought his adventure at Hogwarts was just a dream...

I'm guessing that these two paragraphs are meant to sum up two stories that are going on within this one story? That part was a bit confusing for me (since I was just reading the summary and not the entire story). Perhaps if you didn't include the '-' to separate the two paragraphs, it would read more like a cohesive summary and it would better give off the “this is a story about these two character” feel (I think that's what the summary is meant to do).

Since this is meant to be a parody, I think you could stand to be a bit more subtle with your characterization of Stephanie Meyers. Right now, it really just reads like your unabashed opinion of her and if this were a journal or a post in the forums, that would be fine. But as a story, it seems more like an ill-veiled attempted to forcefully give readers your opinion of her, and as a reader, I really couldn't care less. I know that sounds harsh, but when I'm reading the summary of a story, I want to know about the story and not the author's opinion on the topic, you know?

It's similar to if you're writing a story in which a character gets an abortion. As a writer, you can definitely speak your opinions on abortion through your characters, but it has to be worked into the story and not be obvious – otherwise the readers feel like they're being preached at. Reading that first paragraph, my initial response was “Oh boy[insert eye roll] another story written by a Stephanie Meyer hater...boring.” I think with a parody, when done right, it should be able to appeal to fans and 'haters' alike. So I guess that my advice, generally with parodies, is to be a little more subtle and clever, to lead your readers to that conclusion rather than shoving it in their faces.

The second paragraph, I'm thinking, is alluding to the whatever went on in the prequel, right? I think that's done well-enough, except that you jump the gun a bit when moving from the first sentence into the second. Since you bring up that McQuinn thought his past adventure was a dream, when you start “But when he's called upon once again by the characters of his favorite books to fight off the fairy vampires once again” I think it would make more sense if you finished by dispelling the idea of it all being a dream - like, really lame example ahead: Bently McQuinn thought his adventure at Hogwarts was just a dream, but when he's called upon once again by the characters of his favorite books to fight off the fairy vampires once again, he finds that maybe it wasn't just a simple fantasy. Will he be able to rise up to the challenge, defeat Meyer, and save the literary world?...] Without something like that, your first sentence seems like an incomplete thought.

This story is a giant fanfic crossover parody.

- I think this part would blend in better if it was written in smaller font. Since it's not really a summary – but you providing background information on the story – it shouldn't really be at the fore-front of the summary, but mentioned as a JSYK. A smaller sized font would give it a little less importance and won't detract from the real summary or interrupt the flow as much.

*Spelling error: you spelled “meant” incorrectly a few times at the end.

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Wide Awake

Claimed.

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Okay so the first thing I want to say is I've always been extremely jealous of authors who can come up with all of these official names--like kingdoms and just...things that seem historical if that makes any sense. My first initial thought was very Robin Hood-esque, maybe because of the whole 'Briar Rose' and I'm thinking of 'Friar Tuck' but it initially caught my interest. It's certainly something I'd be interested in reading.

Whether this kingdom existed decades or centuries ago is unclear.--this sentence read a little awkwardly to me. I think that maybe if you added some punctuation or italicized 'or' it would read better?

And as the story slips from history into folklore, this lost princesses loses hope of restoring her kingdom to it's rightful state. This is really a simple thing, but I'm pretty positive you just meant to say 'princess'.

Carmen

Claimed.

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I love how detailed this summary is, it paints a beautiful picture of the situation Carmen faces at this moment. The way you portray the male assassin, too, creates a vivid image and it seems it could be said that he's not just a heartless killer. He can show mercy and it makes it clear that he's not what people would initially class him as. Or at least, that's how I see it.
I love how this seems to start at the end of their meeting, how she describes the scene that had occurred between them in a clear cut way that enforces the characters personalities exceedingly well.
The last section of your summary also brings us to an amazing cliffhanger, we can see that she is near to death and as readers we question whether she will make it through in time. How she shows that she becomes him in a way, that really blows my mind. It reinforces her strong character and her desire to have revenge on the man.
I love this, there's nothing more to say than I hope you start writing this story soon :)

Heartless

I like how it has a very distinct tone and it only gives elements of a plot instead of just telling us what the plot is. It sort of makes you question things. I'm still not sure if these are blood siblings or foster siblings or not related at all and just know each other in similar circumstances. (Also, I love the banner.)

& What Would We Have to Sing About Then?

The summary is great. It has enough details of the plot to pique your interest and it doesn't give away too much to give curiousity. It creates room for diferent development.

The Dark Lord's Diary

I rather like it. I like the quote at the beginning that explains rather a lot, then the summary that explains the gist. Normally I hate last lines like the one you have, but it was rather nice.

It's Wrong (Probably).

Alright so with your summary there are a few things that confuse/bother me. Mind I'm taking it ALL in here.

Alright so: why do you have the word count? Is it for a contest? If that's the case where is the link. If it's not for a contest than I don't really see the point of having the word count. There were two other things I didn't really see the point of and that was stating what it was: it takes away from the summary. As does the list of the pairings. You could use those as title chapters if you're making it a chaptered story. If it's not a chaptered story than just leave it for the reader to assumer/guess

Alright, I did however REALLY like the definitions in there. That was a cool little thing to spice things up. It kind of gives you a hint. And with that hint it made the actual body of the paragraph that much more exciting, but then the ending kind of leaves something to be desired. If he doesn't like boys but he likes guys than what? Give a little hint at that, tease us dear.

Trust

The quote seems to set up the story itself, showing how things can fall apart if you don't follow what your heart tells you to. From there, the short description about the brothers sort of supports what the quote says. It's interesting enough.

Beautiful Things

^ Claimed

I really liked the second paragraph. The description about the young man was well done and I like the almost sad, but hopefulness to him. Which makes me want to read his side of the story.

However, the first paragraph seems a little... out of place. I think that is what I am going for. It is almost as if you are trying to describe a person who draws a lot and has a passion for it, but it took me a couple of times to actually read it to get that. All though I do like that mystery you spin about her. Like she has a past she doesn't want to dwell on. I do like that.

Over all I like it.

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A Kiss That Bites

i love it its really descriptive i will read it after i comment this (:
i dont know how to post a link yet but its called Astonished Heart for now ..

^
You need to post a proper comment like the ones above.

i think the kiss that bites summary was interguring it brought me in to the edge of my seat jsut of the summary i want to read more, its realy descriptive. I love how it explains about the guy and the girl both in it to . It tells alot so well reading the story we shouldnt get confused .
That better?

Ok, so i did like your summary, beacause it really sets things up for what is going to happen. It doesn't give away too much. There are a few spelling mistakes, like "a Immature Child". Also, i don't know if this makes sense, but i felt like the mentioning of the Uncle was a bit random...but that's just me...i don't feel you need it though... I don't think you have to be so descriptive about how he went to the school as soon as he was assigned a room. I think you could just say that "As he walked onto the campus..." Other than that, it was good! =) Great job.

please read the summary for The Girl Who Couldn't Feel.

I like that there's an excerpt. It does give you a feel for how the story will be told and makes you worry and wonder about this girl and so you want to read more. There is a typo in the dialogue. You don't need two periods, just one inside the ending quotation mark.

I kind of wish there was a little more synopsis though. It's a chaptered story, so an excerpt, to me, shows more for a oneshot and a chaptered fic goes through more than just that excerpt can sum up. So I wouldn't mind a synopsis in combination with the excerpt.

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Confusion is the Strongest Emotion, please.