Claimed.
Headlights in the Dust, please!
- Quote
- For the story/review game:
First of all, I love the whole concept for this story. The first thing it makes me think of is the movie "Sunshine." I know that the plot for these two aren't related at all, but because they both deal with a dying sun, it's the first thing that comes into my mind because it's a favorite of mine. (check it out if you want, it's a pretty cool movie).
But anyway, I read all of the posted chapters and I really, really like this story.
I have a question about the world, if you don't mind answering? You don't really say much about the weather besides the lack of light, but I'm curious about how they deal with the extreme cold from the complete lack of solar heat, especially when they go scavenging (and the frozen food). If the world hadn't seen the sun for a few decades, it'd be a frozen wasteland, how do they generate the power to keep from freezing to death, have they invented some kind of climate control, or do the UV lights do it? And how do they break the ground to bury the bodies, with the UV lamps? Sorry for the questions, but I love finding out how things work in post-apocalyptic stories :D
The narrative was very thoughtful and engaging, which was one of my favorite things about this. It's not lavishly full of description, yet it's not detached either. I especially liked how you used simple little things to state why Annabelle is the way she is, like with nothing compared to the books I spend so much time reading. It explains why she narrates with such intelligence at such a young age, rather than making her seem like a Mary Sue.
I was immediately intrigued by Noah's introduction, especially considering the monsters that run rampant throughout the world. Another thing, I'm guessing that the Silvers are a form of vampires, especially since they burn in the sun. I see from the author's notes that you're quite into vampire stories. I love how you introduced it in such an intelligent way, and if they are vampires, it's a fresh and original way to approach the concept in my eyes. I'm also curious as to how they got to the earth from the moon :D
In regards to focusing on the third and fourth chapter:
I realize now that bringing home a bloodied stranger wasn’t the best idea in the world. This line doesn't seem to fit with the story for me. Annabelle seems like a very intelligent girl, one who would think a lot before dragging a stranger back home, or even going to the effort. This makes her seem more... ditzy, I think is the word I'm trying to say? If you explain it more, it could work, but the way it is jars the narrative for me. If it's not the best idea, why is she still doing it?
That being said, I loved how you wrote out the residents reaction to her bringing Noah back. It felt very realistic. I mean, the townspeople wouldn't welcome him with open arms, especially with all the monsters running amok. Lindsay was a nice touch, it really made it come alive for me more then. And the way you hinted at what Noah could do for the story, but didn't say it outright also impressed me. The fact that he comes from outside, that he should be dead really makes me want to read more. Annabelle's right, he could have answers, and it could mean that there's others out there.
Chapter four, I loved how her mother slammed some more realism into things. She's right. He was outside, what if he's some freak Silver that's going to kill them all? I loved that touch, again, it made things all the more real for me.
Is Jonathan her older brother, or somebody else? I was a bit confused about this. I'm guessing that he's her older brother, since they've fought since childhood, but you may want to clarify on this more, because some people could also take him as a family friend or stepfather or something.
There weren’t a lot of interesting occurrences in this town aside from death or maybe a Snickers bar someone had scavenged.
I loved this line, to me, it was the perfect way to say that nothing much happens in this apocalyptic world!
The way you introduced Jacob was also full of suspense, nice job there. Noah intrigues me. I definitely want to learn more about him now, and Jacob. If anything, you could have described the scene in more detail. This is a huge turning point for the story, why not really get into what Annabelle is feeling?
I'm definitely subscribing to this, I've honestly never seen this concept tackled before in this way, and I want to see what happens next!
February 23rd, 2011 at 04:00am