Looks Like Someone's Over His Ex
So, there's this kid I know. Let's call him Josh. And I kinda like him. My friend, Sar, knows this. And she has a boyfriend.
Tonight at Tunnels (Haunted Tunnels we're working at for Halloween), after we closed up, my friends and I were out on the hill (the tunnels are underneath a church (they were dug during the French and Indian war) that is built on a huge hill in our town). And Josh kissed Sar. Then they started making out.
I was like what the hell. But I didn't really care. See, when I saw it, I didn't feel anything. And it wasn't like a numb, hurt not feeling anything, it was more just 'hey look Sar's making out with Josh even though she has a boyfriend. kinky'.
The pain didn't set in until later, and it wasn't emotional distress. It was more the hits that my already low self-esteem took tonight. The fact that the boy chose my best friend over me is what stung. The rejection.
It got me thinking. She's prettier than I am. She's definitely thinner than I am. She's cuter than I am, and I don't mean physically (even though she is), I mean more her character. Anyway, whatever it is that makes boys like you, she has it, and I don't.
That's what gets me. I hate it. I have no boy experience. None at all. I've never gone on a date, never been asked out, never had a boyfriend, never kissed anybody. And I'm starting to think that I'm never going to get anything.
I know this sounds like normal teenage girl stuff, like 'ehmagawd, she's fifteen with no boyfriend, she's never gonna get any guy'. It's more like I'm strange, I'm a nerd, I'm not traditionally pretty, and I know that no guy is going to accept it.
That's what stings.
Tonight at Tunnels (Haunted Tunnels we're working at for Halloween), after we closed up, my friends and I were out on the hill (the tunnels are underneath a church (they were dug during the French and Indian war) that is built on a huge hill in our town). And Josh kissed Sar. Then they started making out.
I was like what the hell. But I didn't really care. See, when I saw it, I didn't feel anything. And it wasn't like a numb, hurt not feeling anything, it was more just 'hey look Sar's making out with Josh even though she has a boyfriend. kinky'.
The pain didn't set in until later, and it wasn't emotional distress. It was more the hits that my already low self-esteem took tonight. The fact that the boy chose my best friend over me is what stung. The rejection.
It got me thinking. She's prettier than I am. She's definitely thinner than I am. She's cuter than I am, and I don't mean physically (even though she is), I mean more her character. Anyway, whatever it is that makes boys like you, she has it, and I don't.
That's what gets me. I hate it. I have no boy experience. None at all. I've never gone on a date, never been asked out, never had a boyfriend, never kissed anybody. And I'm starting to think that I'm never going to get anything.
I know this sounds like normal teenage girl stuff, like 'ehmagawd, she's fifteen with no boyfriend, she's never gonna get any guy'. It's more like I'm strange, I'm a nerd, I'm not traditionally pretty, and I know that no guy is going to accept it.
That's what stings.
Posted on November 2nd, 2008 at 05:37am
"josh" is really not for you, feen. he strikes me as a loser. and sarah needs to find a real relationship with love. i know she has issues with that word, but jesus, she is just maybe a little f*cked up. you're really really pretty and cute and smart and amazing, and you is gonna find that guy that has been with girls but hasnt really liked any of them on this intense level, but he'll find you and it will in instantaneous for him. he just has to convince you (;
maggiemoo, November 9th, 2008 at 10:14:59pm
Well, I know what you're going through.
The guy I really liked asked out my best friend and she said yes, even though she knew that I liked him.
I was angry at first, but now I'm like, if he can't see me as pretty and interesting in my own way, then he isn't worth it, at all.
Don't worry, you'll find someone that likes you for being you, sooner or later, he'll come.
:)
Pure Sex., November 3rd, 2008 at 01:30:42am
You are an amazing person and if that guy can't see that than obviously he doesn't deserve you. And you deserve better than someone who would do that to you. And you will find him. You will find someone who likes you for you. It's like I always say, It's better to be hated for what you are rather than be loved for who you pretend to be. I learned that and I like you for who you are and if your'e a nerd than you're a nerd. You're an amazingly talented and special nerd who has a big heart and an incredible mind. Believe that.
Sam Winchester., November 2nd, 2008 at 08:12:50pm
heyy. your writing is amazing, don't let this bring you down.
we all know that guys don't appreciate girls that are smart.
and he probably isn't worth it, if a guy can't see you as a good person, he's an idiot =P
and i understand the way your feeling about the "shes better than you, prettier than you.." deal.
i got a 'friend' like that, however, she uses it and she hates my guts for reasons unknown to me
don't worry about it, and i hope things will get better for you
at least, i'm always here (even though you don't know me but that's cool =))
you can talk to me about anything =P
The Hardcorex Rocker, November 2nd, 2008 at 04:43:40pm
Dudeeeeee.
*does that back and forth thing with the hands between me and you*
Kinda almost same here...
only...My friend didn't make out with the boy I liked.
That's like...ouch.
>:O
I'd be pissed actually.
Vinny.Vicious, November 2nd, 2008 at 07:30:35am
Awww!
I feel so sorry for you.
That was really cruel of your friend to do.
I know what you mean by the whole 'no boyfriend and no experience' thing.
I'm kind of going through the same thing, but not as rough as you seem to have it.
I'm really sorry that this happened to you, and I think it absolutely sucks that your friend would actually betray you like that.
Life is definitely not being fair to you.
I really hope that things get better for you.
livememories, November 2nd, 2008 at 06:35:31am