Its like a person that kisses a baby, while killing its mother.

The world is a strange place. On one end you have people killing their nieghbors and on the other you have people who complain about the things that really don't even matter. I fall into the latter catagory, which hurts me a lot more than it should. Self-hate has never been so well placed. I can honestly say that I can find about a million things wrong with me, and almost nothing right. So now here I am. At 1:49 in the morning, dreading the life I lead when I wake up in the morning. Its strange how I can find so many things that are wrong with this world, my world, and still see it as beautiful. I almost never snows here, last week and the week befor the entire city was snowed in, and last night it sprikeled a small coat of snow. I love the night, especially the sky at night. And for some odd reason whenever it snows, and the night is cloudy, the entire sky seems to be tinted orange, like its on fire. Almost as if to mock the ground. But for some reason I can't see the sky as that cruel. It seems to glow, on fire and full of burning life while the ground is frozen. Just one more contradiction of this world. Like I said its a strange place, with even stranger people. Can I honestly say I hate it? Yes. But, can I also honestly say I love it? Yes. I hate the useless, meaningless violence. I hate the people that hate others for no other reason then stereo-types, race, religion, sexual preference, ect. I hate the doubters and the non-believers, that need to kill others dreams, in order to fuel there own. I hate the killers that kill for no other reason that feeling like it. I hate the rapist, that enjoy seeing the pain of others. I hate the people that literally tear people apart, physically or mentally. But at the same time I love. I love the people who may have the most horrible life in the world but still manage to smile. I love the people that love everyone regardless. I love the mystery and beauty of the place I am. I love the music that seems to play in the hearts of everyone. I love the ocean, the night, the stars and the moon. I love the idea of helping others. I love the feeling of true happiness. I love running down a soccer feild. All of this conflict has left me with one conclusion. That the world is just like us. It is conflicted and confused. Honestly I'm starting to think we are all blind. People ignore the people that really need attnetion and help, the homeless, the mentally ill, the depressed, and the dying, and seem to give there attention to the few that truely do not need so much attention, everyone deserves some attention but some times its rediculous. The world seems to be tha tmost beautifully, terible place. Its like a person that kisses a baby, while killing its mother. And I honestly think the wold was more beautiful that terrible, then we made it just as terrible, if not more. I can honestly say I hate myself. I can honestly say I hate other people. But in the end I can never truely, completely and unforgivingly hate this world. Which is strange for me but I am done argueing and disagreeing with myself. Maybe my view point will change, maybe it won't. But right now I feel like I have to write this down, like it some how migh stop the war that rages on inside my head. But as I continue I know it won't, and I'm back to square one again. How many more nights will I spend like this?