[51] Possible Divorce and Why It's My Fault.
I don't have a lot of time, I'm supposed to go upstairs RIGHT NOW, and... I would type this on the upstairs computer, but my mom has put a lock on every door besides of two main closets, the pantry, and the door to MY room, which just recently was put back on the hinges, so I wouldn't be able to get into the computer room...
Well, I don't exactly live a good lifestyle. Besides my lying, cheating, and stealing, I also am failing school, I'm very disrespectful, I'm violent... I'm just all around... bad.
Because of this, my dad, Stephen, who is an alcoholic (but doesn't drink, which gives him a short fuse.) and has O.C.D. and really feels the need to be in control at all times, well, he yells. He yells a lot. He insults me and my brother, but... mainly me. And, sometimes, he gets violent. It's a hard thing for me to admit, but, he does get violent. Rarely, and not badly, but... enough to count as physical child abuse, and, he insults and yells at me enough for it to count as emotional and mental child abuse. That's two of the three main types of child abuse...
My mom is a nice person. She loves and cares for me, Jacob, and Stephen. She loves us a lot, and she's the one that defends us from him when he gets really mad. She won't get physically involved, and, as far as I know, he has never injured her physically, and I don't recall ever hearing him insult her, either. She'll yell though, she'll tell him to stop.
Then he gets mad, and screams at her about how I'm "manipulating her", and if I start crying, which I do about 99% of the time, he'll tell at me to stop crying, screaming that all of my tears are fake, and that I'm just lying about everything, but, I can't stop crying. I just can't. And he'll threaten me: "stop crying or, I swear to God, I'll punch you in the face."
He's never punched me in the face. He's never injured me to the point where it's lasted physically for more than a few minutes at most, and I am very glad for that.
I love my dad. I love him so much.... and I know he loves me too. It's just that.... he gets angrily so easily, and we're so much alike that we just... butt heads. But I love him. More than I want to admit, I love him, I always have loved him, and I always will. He's my dad and I care about him.
Well, a few days ago, when my parents were screaming at each other, he says something along the lines of "she is ruining this entire family, or course I'll get pissed!", and my mom yells back: "Then maybe one of you will have to be removed from the picture!"
He told me later, the next day, I think, that... My mom is seriously talking about taking my brother and I and leaving him. And I cried, I sat in his car and I cried. I don't want that, I don't want that at all... I love him so much. So, so, so, much.
And, it's my fault. If I didn't screw up so much, he wouldn't get pissed and none of this would be happening... There's about a 40% chance that they're going to get divorced, and, well, it's my fault. I don't want this... I really, really, really don't want this.
xMargie!
Well, I don't exactly live a good lifestyle. Besides my lying, cheating, and stealing, I also am failing school, I'm very disrespectful, I'm violent... I'm just all around... bad.
Because of this, my dad, Stephen, who is an alcoholic (but doesn't drink, which gives him a short fuse.) and has O.C.D. and really feels the need to be in control at all times, well, he yells. He yells a lot. He insults me and my brother, but... mainly me. And, sometimes, he gets violent. It's a hard thing for me to admit, but, he does get violent. Rarely, and not badly, but... enough to count as physical child abuse, and, he insults and yells at me enough for it to count as emotional and mental child abuse. That's two of the three main types of child abuse...
My mom is a nice person. She loves and cares for me, Jacob, and Stephen. She loves us a lot, and she's the one that defends us from him when he gets really mad. She won't get physically involved, and, as far as I know, he has never injured her physically, and I don't recall ever hearing him insult her, either. She'll yell though, she'll tell him to stop.
Then he gets mad, and screams at her about how I'm "manipulating her", and if I start crying, which I do about 99% of the time, he'll tell at me to stop crying, screaming that all of my tears are fake, and that I'm just lying about everything, but, I can't stop crying. I just can't. And he'll threaten me: "stop crying or, I swear to God, I'll punch you in the face."
He's never punched me in the face. He's never injured me to the point where it's lasted physically for more than a few minutes at most, and I am very glad for that.
I love my dad. I love him so much.... and I know he loves me too. It's just that.... he gets angrily so easily, and we're so much alike that we just... butt heads. But I love him. More than I want to admit, I love him, I always have loved him, and I always will. He's my dad and I care about him.
Well, a few days ago, when my parents were screaming at each other, he says something along the lines of "she is ruining this entire family, or course I'll get pissed!", and my mom yells back: "Then maybe one of you will have to be removed from the picture!"
He told me later, the next day, I think, that... My mom is seriously talking about taking my brother and I and leaving him. And I cried, I sat in his car and I cried. I don't want that, I don't want that at all... I love him so much. So, so, so, much.
And, it's my fault. If I didn't screw up so much, he wouldn't get pissed and none of this would be happening... There's about a 40% chance that they're going to get divorced, and, well, it's my fault. I don't want this... I really, really, really don't want this.
xMargie!
Posted on January 8th, 2009 at 03:47am
