Am I that person?

Being confilicted is easy. Its being certain thats difficult. I think I'll always have that little voice in the back of my head. You know, the one that is always telling you that you're fat, stupid, ugly, not good enough, ect. For some people this voice of uncertainty and self-hate rules their minds. I have the unfortunete pleasure of being one of these people. Those thoughts are always in my head, screaming at me. Like some crazed form of myself. The more I try to get past them, the easier they come. Its strange because while all this is going on inside, outside I look completely normal. I can fake happines and make everyone around me believe I'm just like them (which is strange because I'm a bad actress...). Maybe its just that its easier for people to beleive that your fine then that something is wrong. They just don't want to deal with the truth. I think that, that fact is probably the answer to a lot of the world's problems. People choose to be ignorant because its easier than being informed. Its easier to beleive. Easier to live with. Or maybe its that people think they are informed, but really all they are doing is beleiving the kind part of the story they hear. Am I that person? Am I? That scares me more than anything, more than my thoughts, more than the world waiting to stab me in the back, more than the "friends" that I know will soon be enemies. Do I really know whats going on? What my actions and decisions are causing? Or am I just beleiving someting the news flashes on the screen for thirty seconds, and then goes back to reporting what celebrity did what with who. Does anyone else find this fucked up at all? Find it wrong that the main thing our journalists on camera report on is not the starvation, the genocide, the war(s), the people that are hurting and need help in the so many ways. No they don't say much about that. And when they do they seem devoid of any real emotion. Like sick, unfeeling robots. They say what it is, then move on to what ever is next. We seem to ignore/take for granted the real pain and suffering out there, are we all just that numb. That we can't feel all the pain, suffering and anger in this world. What is wrong with us? With me? Honestly this whole situation just makes me hate myself more. Complaining, when so many people have it so much worse. I am a bitch. I don't understand. I honestly don't. Maybe thats why I am that person. Maybe thats why I can't sleep at 2:35 in the fucking morning. Then aging maybe it doesn't matter to you. Maybe its easier for you to read this and then think tou yourself "What a crazy bitch. Some one should get her a stait jacket, and quick." Have you ever nticed that when people ask you, "How are you?" you always answer with the generic "I''m fine", "Im okay", "I'm good" and then ask them how they are. Then they answer in the same way you did. But usually you're not feeling okay or fine. You basically just lied to some one's face and walked away thinking nothing of it. Does it make it easier for you to believe your okay or fine? No, it doesn't. Its 2:45 in the morning and I'm up writing something to people I don't even know. That thought creeps me out. Does anyone even read these? Is it easier for me to believe that I know what is going on, then to really know. Am I the person you lied to, saying that you were fine. Are you the person I lied to, saying the same? Am I that person? Are you?