I'm bi ... So what?
Yup, I’ve decided that I don’t care. Well, I never really did, but I just think now, that I don’t care who knows. It’s considered the cool thing now to say you’re bi, and if I go along and say it people will think I’m trying to be cool. I’m not. It’s not like I’d go and just tell anyone, ‘cause that’s just stupid. But only two people that I know in real life actually know, and I was freaking out for a while about one of them spilling.
The girl who initially found out had read it on my myspace, I’d put it as a joke, It said I was married too. But I thought, what the hell might as well be honest. She asked me if there were any girls that I had my eye on. I lied. There was, but I couldn’t tell her, because the girl was my best friend, and also one of hers. It kinda sucked. Then this guy found out too. Now he has turned into such a twat lately it’s unbelievable. He’s always been like that really, but at least he used to be himself, now he just does what ever is cool. And that means hating me. So that’s why I freaked out about him telling people. But now I don’t care, If people find out, they find out.
Another thing that kind of bugs me about it, is the girl who made me realise I was bi has moved schools suddenly. She never told anyone she was leaving, just did it. It hit me hard, not just because I was crushing on her, but because she was my friend and she didn’t even say goodbye. I haven’t spoken to her since, and she’s been gone for about 2 months or so. Mostly because this stupid mobile internet thing my parents have got wont let me on MSN, and she lives on the other side of town, making visits hard.
And now that she’s gone, there’s another girl. It sucks so bad. I really am starting to hate this. What if she moves away too? I would literally die, because, just like last time, I’ve gotten pretty close to this girl. I would tell her how I feel, but I know for a fact that she doesn’t know about me (Well, she might do soon) and I don’t even think she swings that way. But she seems more gettable then the other girl. I can’t explain what I mean, but she just does. It’s weird.
It’s the classic kind of scenario. Risk telling her and ruining a friendship, or just leave it and hope that I’m just crushing on her because of stupid teenage hormones that are confuzzeling my head right now. I think the latter seems more likely. I know that I should have told the other girl at the time, I was being told by my mibbian friends that I should. But I never got a chance where I felt like I could, and now she’s gone. Again, it sucks.
But onto a less depressing note, I GOT MY LIP PIERCED!!! Yay J Me and Aleesha went into Leicester and lied about my age, and I got a needle stuck through my lip. But going ‘Is it in’ when the needle was still there probably wasn’t the best idea. It isn’t my fault that I didn’t feel it that much :XD
Aaaaaaannd, I’ve fallen for the Twilight saga. I read the books, almost as a cover, sort of. My friend pointed to it in the school library, going “Oh, Twilight. I asked them to get it in, then my mum brought the book.” I was, at the time, trying to hid my lip ring from a teacher that had said she was going to send me home but forgot, so I was just like “Oooohhhh, gimme” Then the librarian asked if I wanted to take the book out, I knew that If I said no, she would just take it off of me, so I said yes. And ended up with a book that I refused to get obsessed with like everyone else. The teacher still got me, and then They forced, yes forced me to take the loop out. It would heal, so I went home, litterally just walked out of school, my mum had just brought me a new stud for it because I lost the ball from my loop. So I was ok. I got curious and looked at the book. And fell in love with it. I’ve brought all four of them, and I found the preview of ‘Midnight sun’ And I’m actually dying. I went to see the film too. And, even if the film doesn’t really resemble the smaller plots of the book, I still loved it. It’s so typical of me. I’m always so adamant that I wont like something, and don’t want to get involved but in the end I always fall in love with it. It happened with MCR, now it’s happened with Twilight.
I went into the cinema thinking that I wouldn’t crush on Rob Pattinson, but guess what. I almost killed my arm rest :tehe: He makes me proud too, ‘cause he’s English and in the Twilight phenomenon. Kinda sucks for him though. He was in that and Harry Potter, and a lot of the fans of the films and books don’t tend to like each other all that much, I’m not saying all Harry potter fans dislike Twilight fans. But some do, and Rob’s kinda in the middle being in both. Oh well.
I think that might be everything. And It’s a hell of a lot, but oh well. I needed to get it all of my chest XD
X
Amy-Faye
The girl who initially found out had read it on my myspace, I’d put it as a joke, It said I was married too. But I thought, what the hell might as well be honest. She asked me if there were any girls that I had my eye on. I lied. There was, but I couldn’t tell her, because the girl was my best friend, and also one of hers. It kinda sucked. Then this guy found out too. Now he has turned into such a twat lately it’s unbelievable. He’s always been like that really, but at least he used to be himself, now he just does what ever is cool. And that means hating me. So that’s why I freaked out about him telling people. But now I don’t care, If people find out, they find out.
Another thing that kind of bugs me about it, is the girl who made me realise I was bi has moved schools suddenly. She never told anyone she was leaving, just did it. It hit me hard, not just because I was crushing on her, but because she was my friend and she didn’t even say goodbye. I haven’t spoken to her since, and she’s been gone for about 2 months or so. Mostly because this stupid mobile internet thing my parents have got wont let me on MSN, and she lives on the other side of town, making visits hard.
And now that she’s gone, there’s another girl. It sucks so bad. I really am starting to hate this. What if she moves away too? I would literally die, because, just like last time, I’ve gotten pretty close to this girl. I would tell her how I feel, but I know for a fact that she doesn’t know about me (Well, she might do soon) and I don’t even think she swings that way. But she seems more gettable then the other girl. I can’t explain what I mean, but she just does. It’s weird.
It’s the classic kind of scenario. Risk telling her and ruining a friendship, or just leave it and hope that I’m just crushing on her because of stupid teenage hormones that are confuzzeling my head right now. I think the latter seems more likely. I know that I should have told the other girl at the time, I was being told by my mibbian friends that I should. But I never got a chance where I felt like I could, and now she’s gone. Again, it sucks.
But onto a less depressing note, I GOT MY LIP PIERCED!!! Yay J Me and Aleesha went into Leicester and lied about my age, and I got a needle stuck through my lip. But going ‘Is it in’ when the needle was still there probably wasn’t the best idea. It isn’t my fault that I didn’t feel it that much :XD
Aaaaaaannd, I’ve fallen for the Twilight saga. I read the books, almost as a cover, sort of. My friend pointed to it in the school library, going “Oh, Twilight. I asked them to get it in, then my mum brought the book.” I was, at the time, trying to hid my lip ring from a teacher that had said she was going to send me home but forgot, so I was just like “Oooohhhh, gimme” Then the librarian asked if I wanted to take the book out, I knew that If I said no, she would just take it off of me, so I said yes. And ended up with a book that I refused to get obsessed with like everyone else. The teacher still got me, and then They forced, yes forced me to take the loop out. It would heal, so I went home, litterally just walked out of school, my mum had just brought me a new stud for it because I lost the ball from my loop. So I was ok. I got curious and looked at the book. And fell in love with it. I’ve brought all four of them, and I found the preview of ‘Midnight sun’ And I’m actually dying. I went to see the film too. And, even if the film doesn’t really resemble the smaller plots of the book, I still loved it. It’s so typical of me. I’m always so adamant that I wont like something, and don’t want to get involved but in the end I always fall in love with it. It happened with MCR, now it’s happened with Twilight.
I went into the cinema thinking that I wouldn’t crush on Rob Pattinson, but guess what. I almost killed my arm rest :tehe: He makes me proud too, ‘cause he’s English and in the Twilight phenomenon. Kinda sucks for him though. He was in that and Harry Potter, and a lot of the fans of the films and books don’t tend to like each other all that much, I’m not saying all Harry potter fans dislike Twilight fans. But some do, and Rob’s kinda in the middle being in both. Oh well.
I think that might be everything. And It’s a hell of a lot, but oh well. I needed to get it all of my chest XD
X
Amy-Faye
Posted on February 2nd, 2009 at 05:59am
Comments
Page 1/2 | Next
Nope. She never really mentioned
Mary Alice, February 7th, 2009 at 10:32:34pm
It's funny how coming out as bi/gay is the big trend everywhere but my village. Over here wanting to be a corn husker or a dairy farmer is the thing that makes you "in."
And these are high school kids. I often wonder if they're freshmen or kindergarteners...
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with that girl. Do you know what she's into?
Stranger In Moscow, February 2nd, 2009 at 03:18:39pm
It does suck. I think i'm most bugged by the fact that she didn't even say anything. Just left
Mary Alice, February 2nd, 2009 at 01:00:33pm
Congrats on coming out.
My brother thought I was bi because I was comfortable in saying that certain women were hot. But I had to explain to him that just because you find a woman hot, doesn't mean that you have sexual urges towards them. So ya, as long as you find yourself sexually attracted to girls/women and would be willing to pursue those sexual interests and know you would enjoy them, then you're bi. I personally wouldn't find that enjoyable... but I have no problem looking at women and thinking they're insanely beautiful... :P
Sucks how the girl you were crushing on moved away though...
Lightning Zap, February 2nd, 2009 at 12:35:00pm
I suppose that'd make sense to be like that then, but honestly, it's not all that bad... There are a lot of people to be optimistic about. I have met people more cynical than you (from what I know...)
duckalini, February 2nd, 2009 at 10:25:12am
I realize it's pessimistic. I'm a very pessimistic person. With all of the horrible people that have been in my life thus far? I think it rather nice I'm only this much of a cynic.
Jinxeh, February 2nd, 2009 at 09:53:29am
Well that's a bit pessimistic. A few people are decent. You just gotta find them... Some people are bloody amazing even.
duckalini, February 2nd, 2009 at 09:50:46am
v Well, I'm also a suspicious person in general, so even if I hadn't been burned before...I'd most likely still hold to the opinion. People in general make me wary...and, once again, it is experience that has told me to be wary of them in the first place. Someday I'd like to be proven wrong, and have someone show me that most human beings are capable of being decent people. Hasn't happened yet, though. Probably never will.
Jinxeh, February 2nd, 2009 at 09:36:59am
Hm... I suppose if you'd been burned.. That'd really change my opinion on it I suppose. I don't define my sexuality as a definate thing yet, because I haven't tried much at all so I can't really say for certain. Although what I feel seems pretty definate....
I get told by at least one person a month that they're bi because I am part of a gay straight alliance. So I say "Good for you, come to a meeting if you want." They'll come to one, get seen there and never show up again.
So I do understand why some people can't believe what they stay but I still don't like it... I always give them a shot and hope that they're not lying.
duckalini, February 2nd, 2009 at 09:33:16am
v Preaching to the choir. I'm one of those people who is suspicious of every person that comes out to me. Previous experience has told me to be. I've already been burned by girls who claimed to be bi, and then admitted, "Oh...actually...I'm not..." at the worst times. It's just the way I am. I don't expect everyone to hold to my stance about it, but many do anyway. I can't blame any of them for it, either, is the sad part.
Jinxeh, February 2nd, 2009 at 09:18:46am
I suppose... From the number of people who have come out at my school. It is a trend. I just can't stand it when people don't believe others.
duckalini, February 2nd, 2009 at 09:13:35am
It's more to do with the "age of adulthood" and all. No, when you wake up on your eighteenth birthday, you're not suddenly an adult and everything confusing in your life doesn't instantly make sense - but we have to draw the line somewhere, and it might as well be there.
You just have to understand one thing: being gay is a trend nowadays. That doesn't mean you're doing it because it's a trend, or anyone who has commented on this journal is doing it because it's a trend. But a very large percentage of teenagers today are, for some unfathomable reason. They've ruined it for the few that are just being true to themselves. You're just going to have to deal with the fact that until you're a little bit older, yes, people are going to be skeptical of you if you tell them you're bi, and you're still a teenager. It's just the way it is. It sucks, sure, but there's not much changing it.
Jinxeh, February 2nd, 2009 at 09:09:38am
Exactly. It's kind of ridiculous. For example, at the age of 15 you can know whether or not you perfer vanilla to chocolate or visa versa. How much different is it to say, you know what? I like girls. Or, I like both. Or I like boys... It's a life choice, yeah, but if you've thought about it and you really know... It's mean for people to say you're an attention seeking little tween who doesn't know what's what in the world... It frustrates me so much!
duckalini, February 2nd, 2009 at 09:03:39am
I thought it was quite weird that people were saying how you can't decide your sexuality till you're 18. Because people can know before that age
Mary Alice, February 2nd, 2009 at 08:54:33am
Hm... It's interesting how some people don't believe in people knowing their sexuality at a young age.
I know someone who came out as a lesbian at age ELEVEN. She got bullied at school etc, so she moved. Then she came out again at fourteen and got kicked out of home AND got bullied at school. Now she's twenty and a member of a leading Gay Youth Support Centre in my country.
She knew what she was all her life, I think it's unfair to say others don't know what they are. If that's what they think, let them think it. That way if they change their mind, whatever. Who cares. They just want a little attention. Some people just know from the start though and if you're one of those people, it sucks to have people tell you that it's "Just a phase."
duckalini, February 2nd, 2009 at 08:52:10am