my pain with out you nikki

Calista Nichole Beckett,

Without you where you once were in my life, my life is dark, cold, meaningless, unworthy to continue......... You took away my fears, you took away my sadness, and now that your gone, I'm always crying, I'm always scared, I'm cold when everyone around me is sweating, I feel like my life is nothing more then something to torture me with.

All around my school, and my neighborhood, people are happy, with the ones they love, not knowing that one simple thing can make their life be ruined, and make them want to die.


That is what I mostly think about now, death, suicide, never seeing anyone ever again, it terrifies me.

I am grateful that you are happy, and that you’re with someone you love, but it seems like now you don’t really care about me anymore..........

That I’m your past, and I should just move on...

But I can’t move on, I can only keep fighting for what I want, even if I can never get close to my dreams, I want you, I just wish that I was back in your arms, cause I felt safe with you.

A lot of people keep saying that me and you should get back together, that you are the one for me, that I will never be happy with anyone else, and it pains me to hear that, because I know it’s true, and seeing you with someone else, it doesn’t matter that it is Logan, but you being with someone else is tearing my life apart, one day.........I won’t be able to take it, and I might end my life for ever.....

I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you, even though you say it is okay, I know it isn’t, I hurt you, nothing I can do can fix that, I just wish that one day I can be with you again, because you are the light of my life, the warmth in my veins, the beat of my heart, you are my angel of peace, you bring happiness, joy, safety, and other good feelings to me.

Without you..........I would already have killed myself, I’m so happy I met you, and I just want to be with you again........

I love you.

I’m in love with you.

I never wanted to be apart from you.......

But I messed that up,

And it seems that I will never be happy again.