Alice
Totally a new username for me. I think I will go with it….yeah :XD Doesn’t matter to me that there is only, like, two or three people that would actually understand why the name is segnificant. It’ll probably already be taken anyway.
Anywho, new journal…yay? I dunno. It’s kinda of a bitchy boring type thing. But it’s not all bad. I just feel the need to update on things. Plus I’ve been up all night, and it’s 6:10 am, and I need something to occupy myself with for another hour, and the ominous sound of the tumble-dryer is making me more sleepy then I already am.
Sooo, start with the less naggy happy stuff?
I’m gonna be 15 in 23 days, booyah. I’m finally starting to feel good about things, everything isn’t so bleak anymore. Which is always a good thing. I really want a tattoo now. I know, I’m fourteen, what the hell? But I got to see someone getting one the other day, and, although I know it was hurting her quite a bit, and my mum defiantly wont let me get one, I really, really, really want one, even if it’s just something small. An odd craving and a stupid thought. But I’m sure I’ll get over it. Errm. I’m reading Twilight for the third time. How pathetic and boring do I sound right now? But it’s all I can really preoccupy myself with, I’ve read the whole series twice now. I’ll go from Twilight to Breaking dawn and straight back to Twilight again. I’m so lame :XD
Boring stuff about me being a total relationship flop now? Afraid so.
At least 3 more people now know of my sexuality, one of those people, being her. I’m not sure if she actually knows that I mean her though. She is one of my few friends that has a mibba account, so I know she probably reads these journals. But I know that it’s safe to type this because I do have a few friends with mibba accounts, so she probably wont figure it out. Unfortunately. It is kind of aggravating though. I want her to know, so I want to make subtle hints in these journals. But at the same time, I don’t want to be too obvious about making the point. Does that make sense?
I am, as always, freaking out though. I know that she’s really unlikely to just up and go. But I can’t keep the nagging feeling that I should say something away. I’m getting to a point where I just blurt out who it is on here, and then go about the rest of the school day like nothing’s happened. Knowing that she won’t have read it yet. Then not go back to school until she has texted me or something, just so that I know her reaction, and don’t have to face her at the time. Again, I’m so freaking lame.
It’s part of the reason that I’m up now. I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about how out of hand this crush is getting. I was watching skins last night. And it bugged me, because of that red-haired twin, I can’t remember her name, Emily I think. I‘ll call her that just for the sake of it anyway. But she liked the blond, and the girl kept, almost using her, she was unsure of weather or not she liked Emily back, I think. I suppose I kind of feel that way. I mean, the girl I like most probably doesn’t know I like her, yet, but I feel the way that I imagine Emily would have felt, not knowing if that girl liked her back. And then there was that cute scene at the end, where they are sat either side of the Emily’s front door, talking to each other. Then they hold hands through the cat-flap. And I thought ‘Why can’t reality be like that?‘. I know the show is supposed to have a load of the grimy realities in. But that part was just too...I don’t know, perfect?
I’m too caught up in this stupid crush to notice what’s going on around me. Like the fact that I’m literally failing most things. Not because of her. But I’m just not paying attention to it, or more, that I don’t really care. And there’s this guy in my drama class, who I think likes me. I don’t like saying that. It always seems like no-one would ever be attracted to me. So to think it almost makes me laugh at myself for doing it. But seriously, what impression would you get if there was a boy who hugged you more often then anyone else? That always wanted you to sit on his knee, and cuddled you as you did, running his hand up and down your leg. Not in a sexual way, of course. Just in a way that felt kind of nice.
But as I said. I have to laugh at myself for thinking that kind of stuff. I don’t tent to think that way normally. I suppose I’ve been used to 14 years of people telling me how unattractive and unappealing I am to change that for one small thing like that. For all I know, he could be acting totally normal. I could have just missed it. His friend said that apparently he confided in him that he had a crush on me on induction days. I just laughed at that. Of course he wasn’t being serious.
That’s a point, I have drama today. Two lessons with him. Hmm. That could be interesting. I’ll be posting this after my first drama lesson though. I know that technically, who ever you are, you will be reading this after that point. But I’m writing it before.
Confusing much?
And to top it all off I have a science exam today. It counts towards me GCSE results as well. Maybe sleep would have been a good idea. I very much just wanna climb under my quilt and sleep this all away, you know?
I have noticed how much my writing has taken an almost story like turn. It isn’t. I don’t know why I’m compelled to write that way. I just am. Well, it’s 36 minutes past now. I’ve killed like 26 minutes, might as well go find something else to do for a while. Reading could work.
X
Amy-Faye
Anywho, new journal…yay? I dunno. It’s kinda of a bitchy boring type thing. But it’s not all bad. I just feel the need to update on things. Plus I’ve been up all night, and it’s 6:10 am, and I need something to occupy myself with for another hour, and the ominous sound of the tumble-dryer is making me more sleepy then I already am.
Sooo, start with the less naggy happy stuff?
I’m gonna be 15 in 23 days, booyah. I’m finally starting to feel good about things, everything isn’t so bleak anymore. Which is always a good thing. I really want a tattoo now. I know, I’m fourteen, what the hell? But I got to see someone getting one the other day, and, although I know it was hurting her quite a bit, and my mum defiantly wont let me get one, I really, really, really want one, even if it’s just something small. An odd craving and a stupid thought. But I’m sure I’ll get over it. Errm. I’m reading Twilight for the third time. How pathetic and boring do I sound right now? But it’s all I can really preoccupy myself with, I’ve read the whole series twice now. I’ll go from Twilight to Breaking dawn and straight back to Twilight again. I’m so lame :XD
Boring stuff about me being a total relationship flop now? Afraid so.
At least 3 more people now know of my sexuality, one of those people, being her. I’m not sure if she actually knows that I mean her though. She is one of my few friends that has a mibba account, so I know she probably reads these journals. But I know that it’s safe to type this because I do have a few friends with mibba accounts, so she probably wont figure it out. Unfortunately. It is kind of aggravating though. I want her to know, so I want to make subtle hints in these journals. But at the same time, I don’t want to be too obvious about making the point. Does that make sense?
I am, as always, freaking out though. I know that she’s really unlikely to just up and go. But I can’t keep the nagging feeling that I should say something away. I’m getting to a point where I just blurt out who it is on here, and then go about the rest of the school day like nothing’s happened. Knowing that she won’t have read it yet. Then not go back to school until she has texted me or something, just so that I know her reaction, and don’t have to face her at the time. Again, I’m so freaking lame.
It’s part of the reason that I’m up now. I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about how out of hand this crush is getting. I was watching skins last night. And it bugged me, because of that red-haired twin, I can’t remember her name, Emily I think. I‘ll call her that just for the sake of it anyway. But she liked the blond, and the girl kept, almost using her, she was unsure of weather or not she liked Emily back, I think. I suppose I kind of feel that way. I mean, the girl I like most probably doesn’t know I like her, yet, but I feel the way that I imagine Emily would have felt, not knowing if that girl liked her back. And then there was that cute scene at the end, where they are sat either side of the Emily’s front door, talking to each other. Then they hold hands through the cat-flap. And I thought ‘Why can’t reality be like that?‘. I know the show is supposed to have a load of the grimy realities in. But that part was just too...I don’t know, perfect?
I’m too caught up in this stupid crush to notice what’s going on around me. Like the fact that I’m literally failing most things. Not because of her. But I’m just not paying attention to it, or more, that I don’t really care. And there’s this guy in my drama class, who I think likes me. I don’t like saying that. It always seems like no-one would ever be attracted to me. So to think it almost makes me laugh at myself for doing it. But seriously, what impression would you get if there was a boy who hugged you more often then anyone else? That always wanted you to sit on his knee, and cuddled you as you did, running his hand up and down your leg. Not in a sexual way, of course. Just in a way that felt kind of nice.
But as I said. I have to laugh at myself for thinking that kind of stuff. I don’t tent to think that way normally. I suppose I’ve been used to 14 years of people telling me how unattractive and unappealing I am to change that for one small thing like that. For all I know, he could be acting totally normal. I could have just missed it. His friend said that apparently he confided in him that he had a crush on me on induction days. I just laughed at that. Of course he wasn’t being serious.
That’s a point, I have drama today. Two lessons with him. Hmm. That could be interesting. I’ll be posting this after my first drama lesson though. I know that technically, who ever you are, you will be reading this after that point. But I’m writing it before.
Confusing much?
And to top it all off I have a science exam today. It counts towards me GCSE results as well. Maybe sleep would have been a good idea. I very much just wanna climb under my quilt and sleep this all away, you know?
I have noticed how much my writing has taken an almost story like turn. It isn’t. I don’t know why I’m compelled to write that way. I just am. Well, it’s 36 minutes past now. I’ve killed like 26 minutes, might as well go find something else to do for a while. Reading could work.
X
Amy-Faye
Posted on March 4th, 2009 at 12:03pm
