I Won't Explain, Or Say I'm Sorry
She was coming home years ago. But you asked me to wait.
For you. I waited.
But you lost the faith to believe there was still hope.
I gave you so many opportunities to see this. For years, your eyes were open, yet you still did not see.
[weeping] I see now...
I know you do, son.
"The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives." - Albert Schweitzer
"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, myth is more potent than history, dreams are more powerful than facts, hope always triumphs over experience, laughter is the cure for grief, love is stronger than death." - Robert Fulghum
Posted on March 19th, 2009 at 03:43am
You're very welcome. I absolutely understand Gerard...it's probably why I'm quite connected to the story. You write it quite well-as if you've been there yourself.
The most horrible feeling is watching someone you love the most or one of the people you love the most, going through such pain. Especially if they know death just might be the end result. And you can't do anything about it. You keep getting told to be strong and you know you have to be and it's incredibly exhausting. That's where the anger intensifies. Everyone has a breaking point.
Having Andie as Gerard's equal AND opposite in so many ways, is what is holding the two of them together. And of course little Logan. hehe
You write it well and in an amazing way you also have brought me the therapy I needed and continue to need. Who knew from a 'fanfic'. :P
So thank yooou. :)
jetblackhotelmirror, April 15th, 2009 at 12:00:24pm
Re: jetblackhotelmirror's comment below;
Your comment brought me to tears. In all the times we've discussed THT together, I never once thought you might have felt what Gerard feels now. And I'm so sorry for your loss. You must be a very strong individual to have held yourself together for you dad. And he must be very proud of you.
And how wonderful that music and faith have comforted you since losing your father. Miracles absolutely do exist, even in our darkest hour. But, like Gerard in THT, you can miss them altogether if you don't have the faith to see that they exist.
Anger is very powerful. It can eat at your soul, which is, essentially, what has been happening to him over the course of time. The thought of losing Andie has overshadowed everything else in his life, leading him to this point.
Your cousin makes a profound statement; It's not easy to have faith.
Thank you for your comment.
Angel di Morte, April 13th, 2009 at 12:44:00pm
"It's not faith if you use your eyes..." Miracle lyrics by Paramore
I have to say I cried the most when G told God that he hated him. That's the worst feeling in the world...losing any kind of faith. Watching my father go through so many things after his massive heartattack and all the tubes and relying on a machine to breath for him-thus resulting in not being able to talk because of the tracheotomy...I just lost it. The only comfort afforded to me, I had lost. I was angry.
But then I heard that song by Paramore. And then my father yet again showed me a miracle. I got to hear his voice again-tho only brief. No matter the brevity however, I realized thru that song and thru other things that God will always show you something during tragic times. He'll always give you something to get thru anything. And I was one of those things for my father so I had to be strong. I had to just be there and love him.
God gave him 14 months and 2 days with us after his heart attack. Even though it's a constant struggle to hold onto that faith-it's all I have. It's my comfort.
That's why I feel so bad for Gerard in your story...he doesn't have that comfort. :(
My 7 year old nephew once pointed something out that is so frustrating and yet so real. He asked me 'so you have to have faith to have faith?' A 7 year old. And one who doesn't know of any religion but yet understands in his own child-like way.
Sorry this was so long-I just had to comment.
jetblackhotelmirror, April 13th, 2009 at 10:40:03am
I don't know if anyone has written this yet, but I just wanted to put it out here: Faith asks you to Believe without Seeing; but unless you are willing to See, how can you Believe?
"Bidden or unbidden, God is."--Immanuel Kant, German philsopher
mcrmom, March 20th, 2009 at 12:21:24pm
The title is my comment, I guess. It's a key, I will say that. But I won't explain it, and I won't apologize for all that happens before this conversation. It was just far too beautiful for me to keep inside any longer.
Angel di Morte, March 19th, 2009 at 12:22:16pm
So this is what you were talking about on Twitter...what does it mean? I love the quotes, though. Robert Fulghum is so eloquent.
Decimate the Stars, March 19th, 2009 at 05:47:34am
YAAY a Robert Fulghum quote!
I have 4 of his books!
XLiveXLearnX, March 19th, 2009 at 03:47:05am