I wonder if time might change the rules, just for tonight.

I can't make sense of the world, or of myself, and probably not of you. They teach us the right things and make it seem like there is no choice, its easy, its simple, "I would never do that" and everyone acts so scandalized. I'm doing everything wrong. Everything they told me not to do. It makes sense in its own sick way. And it helps and it hurts as all things do. But what I'm I really doing. I know I'm fucked when morning comes so for now I just wish for night. I wonder if time might change the rules for me, just this once. I wonder what time is. Its a little confusing. It doesn't really exist to me. Yes I know day, night, sunrise, sunset. But I can't understand 6 o'clock and so on. Why is it noon? What if I wanted noon to be midnight what if I wanted night to be day and sunrise sunset. Its only a name. A way of explaining what we're suppose to do and when. "That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet." Its nights like these the world leaves me wondering: when is it my turn to die? Is this cosidered "silly spam"? Its they're words not mine. Why does everything have to be about something. Why can't it just be? Why can't I wonder aimlessly in my own words. They are mine after all.