Toy Soldiers

Okay, so earlier today, I was really bored, so I decided to post this, which is an edited version of my e-mail to my friend. I apologize in advance for anyone who has seen this movie before. I'm not very good at explaining things.

Okay, here's the story: a couple days ago I was looking at Sean Aston's IMDB page (He's Mikey in the Goonies, and Dave in Encino Man.) Anyway, I was looking at that with my mom and one of the movies that he's in is called Toy Soldiers, and my mom pointed that out and she said that she loves that movie and that she needs to get that.

So today I was SO bored. (You have no idea how bored I was) and I was looking at Wil Wheaton videos (he's Gordie in Stand By Me) and one of the ones in the Related videos section was about Toy Soldiers. So I decided that I would see if they had that on YouTube. So I started watching it and when Wil Wheaton's character (Joey) came on I started freaking out and saying to myself how cute and adorable he is. And then a couple minutes later, he started talking, and I was like, "Oh. Wow. I'm guessing his voice changed." Because I am so used to his voice in Stand By Me, and it was so deep. But he was still so adorable so it was okay.

And than the Bad Guys come on (sorry I don't know what they're called) and they shoot the guard person outside of the school. (They have a guard because it's a Prep school thing for boys.) And it isn't even like all the other movies with guns. In other movies, when the person's back is facing the camera, the gun goes BANG! and the person falls. But NO! In this one, the gun doesn't even go BANG! it goes ping and the bullet goes right through the guards back and it's all bloody and gross and everything and if you knew me you would know how I am with blood.

Anyway, and then the Bad People come in the dining hall thing and start shooting so the people inside go on the ground. And so they have all the students as hostages. And they say that they will count everyone's heads every hour to make sure that everyone is there, and if one person is missing they will kill five people, and if two people are missing they would kill ten and so on. Then they get shoved in random rooms and the five main characters are all together. And then it shows them later that night, and Joey and Billy (Sean Aston's character) couldn't sleep, so every one else got up because they were talking so they couldn't sleep either.

And when they all got of bed (I was talking to Britlyn the second time I watched this so this was our conversation) they were all in their underwear.

So I asked her, "Why do boys have to wear only their underwear to bed?"

So she said, "Because in case a girl walks in."

"But it's an all boy school. . . " I said.

"So they're gay." She said.

"Naha," I said, "Only that guy in the red underwear. At least Gordie (we called Joey Gordie because saying Joey and Billy over and over was starting to confuse us) is wearing boxers."

So anyway they thought of a plan. They were going to find out a bunch of information about the Bad Guys (how many there were, how many weapons they had, etc.) and they would get the information out to the good people (the military or whatever). So they got all the information and everything, and then Billy got out of the school (with the help of his friends and a bunch of distractions.) and then the stupid army people wouldn't let him go back, so then when he finally got away, he stole one of their cars and drove away with it. And then when he was going back through this drain thing he fell in the water and then the bell rang in the school and I was freaking out because he wasn't even close to getting back yet.

And then because YouTube is stupid and doesn't let you put up a video that's longer than ten minutes, it cut off there. And then I couldn't find the next part. And then when I finally found it, it said that this video may be inappropriate for minors, and that you must be 18 or older to watch it. So then I had to log out and create a new account. Then finally it let me see it.

So then a helicopter came over the school and it distracted the guards on the roof so he ran back over to the school and climbed into the window that he came out of. And he had a towel with him, that he put under the window before so it wouldn't close completely before. So he started to take off his clothes and put the towel around him, which by the way he started to run out of the room when he was taking his pants off, so you could see the upper part of his lower lower lower back. And anyway, it goes to everyone in the dining hall place and they're counting everyone but they come up one short, so they start to take five people and they put them against the wall, and then that's when Billy comes running in, and he's cussing and apologizing and saying that he was in the shower so he didn't hear the bell. They believe him but then the Main Bad Guy takes Billy into "his" office (which is really the head master's office) and he throws him on the desk and starts hitting him with some stick thing.

So then it goes to another scene and it shows the five of them outside. And here comes the part that explains why I hate this movie. Some of the bad guys come up to them when Joey is cleaning Billy's cuts (like the nice, awesome friend that he is) and they tell him that the Main Bad Guy wanted to see him in his office. So he goes there and the MBG (You get that, right?) tells him that they're letting him go.

So he asks, "Why me?"

And MBG says, "Because we respect your father." And Joey's dad is like this Mafia guy or whatever and Joey hates him.

So Joey say, "Fuck my father! And fuck you!" And then they make him go out, one of the guard people forces him out and Joey's yelling and struggling and everything.

And then when they get into the hallway, he says something like, "Okay, I'll go. Just let go," he doesn't say that, but it's something like that. And so when the guard finally lets go, Joey just swings his arm back and elbows the guy in the face, and then he kicks him in . . . that place, and then he takes the gun away from him and he runs outside.

And when he took the gun, I really said out loud, "All right! Go Joey!"

And all his friends are standing right where he left them. And then one of the guards outside sees the gun and starts shooting at him so he shoots back, BUT THE STUPID, IDIOTIC, RETARDED, AND A BUNCH OF OTHER INSULTS THAT I CAN'T THINK OF RIGHT NOW, GUARD SHOT HIM A COUPLE TIMES IN THE CHEST!!!!

Do you have any idea how hard that was for me to watch. My jaw literally dropped. And when I got over the shock, I started crying. And then that must have triggered some crazy person in me because then I started talking to myself when I was done crying. And I mean that I was talking to myself more than usual. UGH! I was so mad! Why did he have to die? Him of all people? He didn't do anything wrong.

Well, my mom told me like a half an hour ago or so that the book was a lot better for that part because he actually killed someone before he was killed. And she said that that part in the movie sucked because it was pathetic that a Mafia person's son couldn't shoot anyone. Gosh! At least in Stand By Me Gordie shot a trash can. Although he didn't know that it was loaded, but still. At least it's better that shooting at the air!

Oh! And at least in Stand By Me they just mention that Chris dies. They just show Gordie when he's an adult typing that Chris was stabbed in the throat and that he died almost instantly. But no! In this they had to actually show it!

But just to make it even worse, I couldn't find the next video and on YouTube, you know how it pauses at the end, so you can see the last thing that happened before it stopped? So I was looking for the video, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Joey, lying on the stairs, dead.

Oh! and after I saw that I was looking at Wil Wheaton icons, and I swear they had an icon from the movie on like every page! And then after I watched that, I was still really bored, so I tried calling Eddie, but his phone was off, Cassie and Perla were at the store or something, nobody was answering me on Mibba, I can't find Sasha's phone number, and then Rachelle finally answered my e-mail. Thank God Britlyn called me or I think I might have either died from boredom or exploded because I really needed to tell someone this.

And that is why I do not like movies. Wow, I just realized how long this is. At least I was nice and went back and but spaces in it because when I first typed it up, it was just one huge paragraph.

Notes:

1) Don't ask why I said that I do not like movies anymore, because I still do. But it's just that for that one second when he was killed I didn't.

2) Before, when I mentioned the conversation between my cousin and me about the boy's underwear, I didn't actually realize what I said until I said it. I do not think the guy in the red underwear is gay. I'm not the type of person that calls people that. So, I apologize if that was taken in the wrong way.

3) Here's the link to the first part of the movie on YouTube if anyone wants to watch it:
Toy Soldiers, Part 1
So, did you like my little novel?