You Can't Go Through The Rebel Stage Twice Can You? What's Easier A Room Full Of Strangers Or Home?

Weird topic I know but I think I'm doing it again.

I can't call it a rebel stage just a stage where I can't take it anymore & I wanna leave, get out, take off.

I think its starting to come back a little bit.

Like remember how I was mad about not getting to go out yesterday?

Well today was my Friday.

I woke up & watched tv for a few hours until I got a text around 1 telling me my friends will pick me up at 3.

So I got ready & was out the door by 3:30 but not before a small agrument with my Gram.

She was mad that I didn't tell her that I was going & I was like:

"Of course I'm leaving I was stuck here Friday..."

Long story short she screamed at me to go then & I was like fine.

But not before adding "Then don't call me later asking where or when I'm coming home if you want me gone." Then I slammed the door shut & let.

For the record I could've never came home today but I did & early might I add.

It was still 10 when I came home.

That's early for me since I come home after 11.

But the point of this journal is while I was gone I kept thinking how I didn't want to go home.

Not like I wanted to stay out later just... leave somewhere for a bit... get a break, you know?

I've done that before.

In 7th grade I did that all the time.

I think the year I took off 3... times I think.

Once for just a day the other for a few days... or a week, I can't remember. I'd leave early & come home late.

Anyway that was when I couldn't stand where I lived & my Gram always threatened to make me stay with my mom.

But I've notice I started acting like that again.

The whole want to take off stage.

I think its because I need a break.

I wanna go to nowhere, you know?

If I'm going to have a meltdown soon I want it to be in a room of strangers that don't know what's wrong or who I am.

Not at home where they know what's wrong & how to fix me.

I don't want to be fixed.

I want to do it on my own.

A room full of strangers would help me do that.

I don't know I'm just saying...

Have you ever felt like that?