Hey, my life sucked, too. [I can has pity now?]
Honestly, now. Everyone else is getting some pity, why not me?
When I was three days old, I was molested. By a grizzly bear. A pedophile grizzly bear. (That makes it much worse.)
I was in therapy for it until I was five. But then I had to stop going to the sessions because my therapist molested me. (He wasn't a pedophile, he just had low standards.)
A few weeks later, my entire family died from mysterious circumstances. I got shoved into a foster home. I didn't like it much. The guy who took me in walked around in women's clothing a lot, and he made me spend every day in this really creepy basement. And don't even get me started on the lotion, or that yappy little dog he had.
After the police took me out of there (something about "unlawfulness" and "first-degree" something, and something else about an illegal clothes-making business; I don't really remember) I became homeless.
I lived on the streets for a few years. It was kind of rough. (A pigeon molested me.)
Then my entire street-family got hit by a bus and they all died. That really sucked. (And the bus-driver that hit them molested me.)
I was addicted to crack for a while, but it didn't last long. I overcame it. (Plus, my dealer molested me, and that was kind of a turn-off for the whole thing.)
I lived in an orphanage, and I hated it. They beat me with wire hangers and made me read slash fanfiction from Fanfiction.net. Luckily, I was removed from that place by the State, because what they were doing was classified as cruel and unusual punishment.
I had a boyfriend, but he died. Then I had a girlfriend, but she died too. (And the guy from the funeral parlor that both funerals were held at molested me.)
I'm okay now, though. Plus, because of all the things I've gone through in my life, that means I can say whatever I want to anyone now, and I'll always be right! Neato!
This journal brought to you by the eggings-on of Dancing Caveman.
Who never molested me.
(That I can remember.)
When I was three days old, I was molested. By a grizzly bear. A pedophile grizzly bear. (That makes it much worse.)
I was in therapy for it until I was five. But then I had to stop going to the sessions because my therapist molested me. (He wasn't a pedophile, he just had low standards.)
A few weeks later, my entire family died from mysterious circumstances. I got shoved into a foster home. I didn't like it much. The guy who took me in walked around in women's clothing a lot, and he made me spend every day in this really creepy basement. And don't even get me started on the lotion, or that yappy little dog he had.
After the police took me out of there (something about "unlawfulness" and "first-degree" something, and something else about an illegal clothes-making business; I don't really remember) I became homeless.
I lived on the streets for a few years. It was kind of rough. (A pigeon molested me.)
Then my entire street-family got hit by a bus and they all died. That really sucked. (And the bus-driver that hit them molested me.)
I was addicted to crack for a while, but it didn't last long. I overcame it. (Plus, my dealer molested me, and that was kind of a turn-off for the whole thing.)
I lived in an orphanage, and I hated it. They beat me with wire hangers and made me read slash fanfiction from Fanfiction.net. Luckily, I was removed from that place by the State, because what they were doing was classified as cruel and unusual punishment.
I had a boyfriend, but he died. Then I had a girlfriend, but she died too. (And the guy from the funeral parlor that both funerals were held at molested me.)
I'm okay now, though. Plus, because of all the things I've gone through in my life, that means I can say whatever I want to anyone now, and I'll always be right! Neato!
This journal brought to you by the eggings-on of Dancing Caveman.
Who never molested me.
(That I can remember.)
Posted on July 2nd, 2009 at 07:12am
Comments
Page 1/5 | Next
Rofl.
That cracked me up.
:]
SammySuicide, July 5th, 2009 at 08:51:01am
You really are kinda amazing Jinxeh. I'll be careful around pigeons from now on though. >_>
Pauley Perrette., July 2nd, 2009 at 04:32:54pm
Beautiful! It's a shame some of the other ones weren't jokes as well...
saveroftheworld, July 2nd, 2009 at 04:14:51pm
Thank you for making my sucky, (and molestion-free) day suck slightly less.
TheFountainhead, July 2nd, 2009 at 12:00:02pm
Oh. Oh. I think...I love you.
we are invincible., July 2nd, 2009 at 11:25:02am
You were also molested by a pigeon? I don't think that would really happen there SlippersInHandcuffs
gowst-fayce, July 2nd, 2009 at 10:31:35am
That's not very funny D:
I've had all those events up there happen
Change, July 2nd, 2009 at 09:13:33am
Sorry I laughed at this whole thing.
A.Broken.Mess, July 2nd, 2009 at 09:00:54am
Haha this was the funniest journal so far. Mibba needs more journals like this.
gowst-fayce, July 2nd, 2009 at 08:55:07am
v How long ago was that? I don't remember hearing anything about it...
inspire, July 2nd, 2009 at 08:50:23am
A guy in New Zealand once claimed he got raped by a wombat.
Just so you know.
vince noir., July 2nd, 2009 at 08:39:32am
Be careful that your bed doesn't molest you. :)
Ambrielle Paige, July 2nd, 2009 at 08:15:41am
I'm also going to bed because I'm tired. I don't have to be awake until 4pm, but I don't want to sleep that long.
Dancing Caveman, July 2nd, 2009 at 08:15:01am
I feel so...unclean.
All right, I'm off to bed for the night. I have to be up for work in less than six hours. You know what? These sixty-hour work weeks really suck. It's like work is moles - oh, forget it, it's just too easy, now.
Night, all!
Jinxeh, July 2nd, 2009 at 08:13:15am
Oh, Mibba has molested you too.
Cause you've been seriously comment raped. D=
Shiznit, July 2nd, 2009 at 08:10:23am