And now for something completely different. [And by "different" I mean "emo," but that's okay.]
I've been doing a lot of thinking, lately. My friends and I, we got that townhouse. It's officially ours. We move in at the beginning of August.
I don't know. Mixed feelings. I do feel...better, about things. As though just this change of environment is going to make things better for me.
I don't know if it actually will, mind you. In fact, it probably won't, though that's mostly just my naturally pessimistic nature taking hold, there. A change in my life, especially a positive one, is welcome because at least then it breaks through the monotony of my current lifestyle. Something new, something fresh...something to look forward to.
It's nice to have something so positive lurking on the horizon. As of late, with my emotional stability declining and yet my state of moderate insanity increasing, I haven't really had things like this to keep me tethered down to something more easily acceptable.
Living in closer quarters with three other people could kill me, honestly. However, these people, Caitlin, Chelsea, and Becca...they know me. And I don't mean they just know me - they know me. They know they're not allowed to touch me, whether it be for a hug or if they simply have to brush past me on their way down the hallway, without my permission. They know that if I tell them to leave me alone, I'm serious about it. If I tell them I need to shut myself up in my room for twenty-four hours...well, they won't like it, but they accept it.
I'm still concerned, mind you. Right now, I'm at the point at which I don't leave my house at all unless it's for work. I'm working sixty-hour weeks (please, kill me now) and it's enough to break me down completely by the time the weekend comes along - staying away from the privacy of my own room so much, and seeing so many people...it's nerve-wracking. At the camp, I have to force a smile all the time, and the kids...they're so touchy, always wanting to hang off of me or hug me, and every time one tries to I flip out. Silently. I bear the hugs and the random attacks of affection, but at the cost of trying not to cry when they occur.
Three more weeks. I can get through three more weeks. I hope I can get through three more weeks.
But then, am I going to be able to get through living with three other people in rather close-quarters nonstop? There is no sure-set relief there, even if I'm promised it. I'm worried. I'm still excited, yes, but I'm also so very concerned.
I'm supposed to go to a birthday party tonight. An old friend is turning twenty-one. I don't think I can make myself go. I'd only know two, maybe three people there. I don't know if I can deal with that right now. FML.
I don't know. Mixed feelings. I do feel...better, about things. As though just this change of environment is going to make things better for me.
I don't know if it actually will, mind you. In fact, it probably won't, though that's mostly just my naturally pessimistic nature taking hold, there. A change in my life, especially a positive one, is welcome because at least then it breaks through the monotony of my current lifestyle. Something new, something fresh...something to look forward to.
It's nice to have something so positive lurking on the horizon. As of late, with my emotional stability declining and yet my state of moderate insanity increasing, I haven't really had things like this to keep me tethered down to something more easily acceptable.
Living in closer quarters with three other people could kill me, honestly. However, these people, Caitlin, Chelsea, and Becca...they know me. And I don't mean they just know me - they know me. They know they're not allowed to touch me, whether it be for a hug or if they simply have to brush past me on their way down the hallway, without my permission. They know that if I tell them to leave me alone, I'm serious about it. If I tell them I need to shut myself up in my room for twenty-four hours...well, they won't like it, but they accept it.
I'm still concerned, mind you. Right now, I'm at the point at which I don't leave my house at all unless it's for work. I'm working sixty-hour weeks (please, kill me now) and it's enough to break me down completely by the time the weekend comes along - staying away from the privacy of my own room so much, and seeing so many people...it's nerve-wracking. At the camp, I have to force a smile all the time, and the kids...they're so touchy, always wanting to hang off of me or hug me, and every time one tries to I flip out. Silently. I bear the hugs and the random attacks of affection, but at the cost of trying not to cry when they occur.
Three more weeks. I can get through three more weeks. I hope I can get through three more weeks.
But then, am I going to be able to get through living with three other people in rather close-quarters nonstop? There is no sure-set relief there, even if I'm promised it. I'm worried. I'm still excited, yes, but I'm also so very concerned.
I'm supposed to go to a birthday party tonight. An old friend is turning twenty-one. I don't think I can make myself go. I'd only know two, maybe three people there. I don't know if I can deal with that right now. FML.
Posted on July 3rd, 2009 at 11:28pm
Moves always suck. I remember when my niece moved in with us, I freaked out. I'm not clinically socially anxious or anything, but there are times when I have to be alone or I get crazy and a little violent. But my mom moved her into my room, and she has no sense of personal space. I'm doing my best to reign in my anger, but honsetly, I'm not sure how much I can take. At least your roommates know when to leave you alone.
And social functions aren't my thing either. I generally end up hanging out by the DJ all day trying to get them to play MSI and Cobra Starship.
Elephant Shell, July 4th, 2009 at 01:45:10am
... yeah I just read that back. One minute I was excited, then I had a shovel in my hand....
saveroftheworld, July 4th, 2009 at 12:03:27am
v
Oh. That took a surprisingly morbid turn.
Audrey T., July 3rd, 2009 at 11:57:53pm
60 hour weeks???? My God that is surely heavily illegal!?!
I agree with Audrey T, with your own room you'll be able to block yourself off if you need to and have your own space away from people. I'm moving in with some people in August as well and they've all been living together for the last year and feel a bit like I'm walking on somebody's grave. Well, come to think of it, it would have only been because I buried them because I REALLY wanted to live with these people. We can keep each other posted on who still has the most living house mates!
First one to be the only one in the house wins!
saveroftheworld, July 3rd, 2009 at 11:56:06pm
...Yeah I think pretty well everyone below has it covered, once things settle and you get over a bit of the shock, then it'll be good... And like Audrey T. said it should help if you have your own room/space- so you do have a place to go if needed to be alone. ...Good Luck with that! :]
Oh I hate going parties if I don't know anyone but the host. :/
MaryJulianna, July 3rd, 2009 at 11:53:39pm
Well, i think that if you have your own room, it shouldn't be too much of a problem. I mean, your friends understand that you need your space sometimes and if you ever need to just lock yourself in you room, they won't bug you right?
House-sharing with friends is...tough, but extremely fun. Especially if you have your own room. I think that's the key, having someplace to just get away from the other housemates. As long as you have that, I think you'll be fine.
Also, I hate going to parties when I don't know anyone. It's always so awkward. BUT, free alcohol? Sounds good. Unless you have to drive.
Audrey T., July 3rd, 2009 at 11:50:30pm
Jinxeh, you can do it.
inspire, July 3rd, 2009 at 11:46:06pm
Sure it'll be different living with different people, besides your family. But when changes like this happen, we always get through them. I think you'll get used to living with them, and find that you might actually enjoy it. I believe in you also x)
I also avoid parties, I'm not into them, and I don't know anyone. It's better just to not go at all.
PsychoSulfur, July 3rd, 2009 at 11:43:23pm
I know it's nerve racking. I have avoided going away to college for four years because I didn't want to move away from my comfort zone. But I am sure you're gonna love it. Once the work load eases (sp) up, and you get settled in your new home, you'll get comfortable. It'll definitely be a shock, probably, now living with three people- though friends- aren't family.
You just have to breathe a bit and keep reminding yourself you'll be fine. I believe in you =D
PS: I wouldn't go to the birthday party either >_> I have avoided a lot of social events because I don't know anyone, or just one or two people there. It is completely normal to feel like that.
Sardonic Grin, July 3rd, 2009 at 11:41:57pm
And I agree with Ewan.
Huggies for you, dear.
Change, July 3rd, 2009 at 11:41:07pm
I dunno what to say. Generally I would put a hug emote here. But I wont since I dont have yer permission. Maybe just tell the kids you dont want to be touched. They prolly wont understand but still least they'll maybe think twice about it.
Pauley Perrette., July 3rd, 2009 at 11:38:08pm
I know what you mean....
My friend Jake is 17, soon to be 18, but his brothers are all still in foster care.
He's going to join the Marines.
It makes me sad because I don't think he realizes that he's grown up.
Change, July 3rd, 2009 at 11:30:09pm