I Miss My Granny. :(
In the year of 1994, I was brought into this world.
In the year of 1994, my granny was taken from it.
Granny was in the hospital when I was born. She got to hold me once. I only got to see her once, but I was only two weeks old. Then, her life ended, and that was the end of a relationship between my granny and I that could have lasted a lifetime. Without even a single memory, or picture, of her.
Even though I only saw my grandmother once in my lifetime, I still feel close to her. I feel like I've known her forever. I feel like it was just yesterday when she died. Why is it that I feel so close to her? It's just a special bond. Even if I've only seen her once, it's enough. She hung on long enough just to see me. That's exactly what she told my dad. 'I want to see my granddaughter before I die, even if it's the last thing I ever do'. And it was just that. The last thing she ever did, was holding me in her arms, seeing her granddaughter for the first time. Holding her for the first time.
I still feel her arms cradling me. I can still feel her touch.
People usually don't believe in the stuff that says things like people are an actual part of you. Well, part of me died when I was two weeks old. I truly believe that I was a part of my granny and she was a part of me. Literally. When Granny died, part of me did, too. And I'll never get that back.
Granny, I just wanted to say that I love you. You are the best grandma anyone could ever have. The mere memory of you has filled the empty spot in my heart. The spot where you filled. Once you left this earth, so did a part of me.
Now, I will never have memories of you. I'll never have a grandma to hug me and tell me she loves me. I won't know what it feels like to hug your grandma. I won't know what it feels like to tell your grandma that you love her.
Mibba, I want you to do one thing. In a comment, state something that you and your grandma/grandpa have ever done together. I am not lucky enough to have a granny or a grandpa. So, please, for me. I just want to know what I have missed out for the past fourteen years.
Now, I leave you with this Journal. My first really deep Journal. I have never told anyone how I feel - not even my best friend. Now, you are the only one who knows what I believe. That I believe that I am part dead, because of my grandmother.
Rest In Peace, Granny. I love you. I'm sorry for crying. I really, really am. I know you are beside me, wishing I would stop. I can't, granny. I just can't.
In the year of 1994, my granny was taken from it.
Granny was in the hospital when I was born. She got to hold me once. I only got to see her once, but I was only two weeks old. Then, her life ended, and that was the end of a relationship between my granny and I that could have lasted a lifetime. Without even a single memory, or picture, of her.
Even though I only saw my grandmother once in my lifetime, I still feel close to her. I feel like I've known her forever. I feel like it was just yesterday when she died. Why is it that I feel so close to her? It's just a special bond. Even if I've only seen her once, it's enough. She hung on long enough just to see me. That's exactly what she told my dad. 'I want to see my granddaughter before I die, even if it's the last thing I ever do'. And it was just that. The last thing she ever did, was holding me in her arms, seeing her granddaughter for the first time. Holding her for the first time.
I still feel her arms cradling me. I can still feel her touch.
People usually don't believe in the stuff that says things like people are an actual part of you. Well, part of me died when I was two weeks old. I truly believe that I was a part of my granny and she was a part of me. Literally. When Granny died, part of me did, too. And I'll never get that back.
Granny, I just wanted to say that I love you. You are the best grandma anyone could ever have. The mere memory of you has filled the empty spot in my heart. The spot where you filled. Once you left this earth, so did a part of me.
Now, I will never have memories of you. I'll never have a grandma to hug me and tell me she loves me. I won't know what it feels like to hug your grandma. I won't know what it feels like to tell your grandma that you love her.
Mibba, I want you to do one thing. In a comment, state something that you and your grandma/grandpa have ever done together. I am not lucky enough to have a granny or a grandpa. So, please, for me. I just want to know what I have missed out for the past fourteen years.
Now, I leave you with this Journal. My first really deep Journal. I have never told anyone how I feel - not even my best friend. Now, you are the only one who knows what I believe. That I believe that I am part dead, because of my grandmother.
Rest In Peace, Granny. I love you. I'm sorry for crying. I really, really am. I know you are beside me, wishing I would stop. I can't, granny. I just can't.
Posted on September 25th, 2009 at 09:56pm
Comments
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My dad's father died when he was 10, and so I never got to meet him. I still wonder what he would have been like. Luckily, I had my grandmother's late husband as a grandfather, but I don't think it was the same.
that is all., October 19th, 2009 at 12:45:23am
this made me cry :(
my grandpa died a few months ago and my dads, dad died the day I was born.It's like my life ended his. I never saw him he never saw me. I only have a picture of him. now I don't even have my dad to tell me about him.
My grandma takes me shopping a lot thats like her thing. she takes us shopping to fill in the months we havent seen each other :)
Broooke!, September 27th, 2009 at 06:48:51pm
Aww =[
::arms:
my grandpa died before I was alive so I don't have any memory whatsoever of him.
My Japanese grandma and grandpa...there's a lot. My grandpa gave me courage to actually ride a bike. He would put me on my grandma's bike and wheel me around. I was five, I think. I saw him this summer; he has cancer.
My Japanese grandma, haha her memory is not as good as before. When we stayed in her house she always mixed up my sister and my name. Like she called me by my aunt's name, my sister's name and my (guy) cousin's name. I shouldn't laugh but I did.... =[
My dad's mom came kver last year. She's fun. Loves nature, being outside, but mostly flowers. In Hawaii we had this swinging bench and we (sister, grandma, and me) would swing out there for hours talking.
Again, I'm so sorry
Remus Lupin, September 26th, 2009 at 02:59:08am
Aw, I'm so sorry. But I bet your grandma, where ever she may be, is really proud of what you've become.
I aboslutely adore both my grandmothers, and grandfathers, so I can understand why it may be tough. I lost one of my grandfathers, unfortunately, so I have an idea of what you're feeling...
*huggies*
:)
Sniffing Sharpies., September 26th, 2009 at 12:31:37am
I'm sooo sorry. :[
I remember the time my Nanny in Canada came down and we watched Oswald on Nick Jr., and then we got locked out of the house by accident. xD
I used to call my Grandpa "Papa M&Ms" because he would lure me with M&Ms all the time. I was scared of him. :P
My Grandma and I used to bake cookies all the time - she was my preschool. I spent all my days there.
I highly suggest you bake M&M cookies, watch Oswald, and then get locked out of your house by accident. Maybe the randomness of it all will cheer you up.
boston girlyy, September 26th, 2009 at 12:15:29am
:( Holy sh*t. This made me incredibly sad.
I remember my grandpa, and my grandma is still alive.
Papa = grandpa
Nana = grandma
Papa was one of the greatest grandparents in the world.
I don't have a dad, so once in Kindergarten, there was a thing called, "Donuts for Dads." Fathers went and ate donuts with their children.
Since I don't have a dad, I refused to go.
I said, "I don't want to go."
Papa said, "You don't? Well, I'm gonna go have a donut!"
:) So we went and ate donuts together XD
I remember the day he died; it was one of the worst days of my life.
I got home from school, ready to tell him that my grades were up, but my mom, aunt, and cousin were standing in the living room crying.
I asked what happened, and my aunt said, "Jess..Papa passed away.."
We went to the hospital and I ran to Nana and cried with her. :\
I still have the memories, and I know that he loved me, and I loved him.
Just like your grandma loved you. :)
flawed perfection;;, September 25th, 2009 at 11:32:31pm
I don't think your crazy, I've seen a ghost before but it freaked me out. XD I actually have a sixth sense thing where I dream the future, mostly deaths actually. :/ It can be nice things too though. I've had it since I was 12, but I found out last year that I got it from my Granny.. So there you go, another connection. :)
Never.Fading.Rain, September 25th, 2009 at 11:07:24pm
oopsy daisy.: I'm sorry about your grandma. :(
x Fearless Dreams x: Believe it or not, I've actually seen her ... ghost in my room and stuff. I didn't want to say it in the Journal, because I didn't want people to think I'm a freak, but I don't care. I know it was her. I was looking at a picture of her in her coffin, and I knew that that was who I saw. I wouldn't be surprised if her ghost wasn't in the room while I was writing this Journal.
Please don't think I'm crazy. D:
Donna Noble: I'm sorry. :(
dodo bird: Thank you so much. :hugs:
MaryJulianna: Sorry about your grandma. :(
Thank you. (:
Rainbow.Puke., September 25th, 2009 at 10:58:27pm
Awh, you're so sweet.
Well my Grandma Anna, died when I was about 6 months old. But I always hear stories of her and things about how funny and nice was. And a lot of people tell me I look quite a bit like her, and act the same way... I've many pictures from her in the 40s/50s I love to look at. They're so cool.
My other Grandma is really funny, just the things she does... Like my mum. They are very much the same. She's still alive and going. I see her quite often. :]
I'm sorry you never really got to know your granny. :] But I'm sure she'd be touch by love you have for her.
MaryJulianna, September 25th, 2009 at 10:36:41pm
well, i never met my grandparents. my mom's family (aside from her sister) all live in Germany and i haven't ever seen them in my life. my father's family i've seen maybe...three times ? well, it was all his brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, and uncles. i saw my grandfather once, but he only said "hi " and my grandmother died of cancer when my dad was only 12.
so, i never really met my grandparents. but i know what it's like to lose someone, and feel like you lost a part of yourself, as well. my mother died weeks before my 16th birthday. we were really close, she was like my best friend. when she died, i didn't know what to do. i didn't know if i should cry because i was upset or not cry because she wouldn't want to see me like that. it was the hardest thing i ever had to deal with.
so, just know that your grandmother may not be with you in person, but she will always love you and always be watching over you.
dodo bird, September 25th, 2009 at 10:25:20pm
Weasley Is My King. Thanks, she's in hospital right now.
My parents are keeping really quiet about it, and 'cos she lives in Edinburgh I can't see her.
x
Donna Noble, September 25th, 2009 at 10:17:18pm
I didn't realise I was writing that much but I'm glad it helped. :)
I personally believe that love ones which we lose, never leave our sides.
But it's up to you. :)
Either way, she's watching over you.
Never.Fading.Rain, September 25th, 2009 at 10:16:31pm
Wow. I can totally relate... my grandma died a few months before I was born, I feel almost the same way. My grandma is definitely apart of me in more than one way.
december's disaster, September 25th, 2009 at 10:15:12pm
Donna Noble: I'm sorry for making you cry. :(
I hope your grandma gets better. I'll be praying for her. Just stay strong.
:hugs:
x Fearless Dreams x: That's really sweet. (:
Thank you so much.
Whiskey and Speed: I'm so sorry. :(
:hugs:
Rainbow.Puke., September 25th, 2009 at 10:14:07pm
Gods, I can't read this. D: I was eight when my Oma died and I still cry about it sometimes.
Tina Turner, September 25th, 2009 at 10:10:54pm