if you can't fly then neither will i
okay, so i just wrote this journal entry that was SUPER LONG and now somehow i went to hit backspace and delete a word but it went back on the pages thing so i lost EVERTHING I HAD JUST DONE.
REALLY. NOTHING IS GOING FOR ME TONIGHT.
i wonder if i'm cursed or something.
lets start at the beginning, shall we?
So, i like this guy really bad, but i haven't talked to him for a year or two cuse we don't have any classes together or anything. THis year we had english together, but not three days into the school year he transferred out because he wasn't originally supposed to be in the class *ugh*.
I am like, SUPER shy person and really insecure so i am scared to try to talk to him on facebook or anything 'cause i don't want to make it seem weird 'cause we haven't talked for a really long while and i don't want to make it seem like i like him.
Tonight we had a cabaret that he was supposedly going to. i was really excited about that so i went with a couple friends. before hand i had specially picked out my clothes and done my hair and everything in hopes of seeing him and stuff. so, at the cabaret, i was looking for him during the whole thing. he didn't even show up.
i feel so stupid 'cause i tried so hard to look good and everything. he didn't even go.
i just don't know how to talk to him or anything 'cause of my shyness.
have i mentioned that i'm a really big hopeless romanitc??
i read so many books and it sucks when i have to come back to reality 'cause its COMPLETELY different.
it doesn't help that my school is weird.
everything is backwards. we hate the cheerleaders, our football team sucks, we are amazing at soccer and vollyball. we love our guys vollyball team. Overall, we're pretty darn good at sports.
we don't have any cliques. and NOBODY goes out together. i bet at any other school people go out on dates and have boyfriend/girlfriends. i hate how at my school, the guys all keep to themselves.
it doesn't help the whole shyness thing.
so the guy i like is always in my mind. like now.
i've tried not to like him, but it hasn't worked so i've given up on that.
It's 1:39am and I'm at the point right now where my sleep is where i want to live. it has been for a while. i keep dreaming of him and how we always end up together, and i just wish so badly that it is real.
I hate this feeling and can't get it to go away.
Everyday i pass him in the hallways 3 different times. everytime we lock eyes and all but i can't get myself to say hi cuse i'm too scared he'll either just keep walking and pretend to not see me or what his reaction will be.
Did i mention that when we did talk a couple of my friends kept telling me that they thought he liked me at the time??
yeah. so life really sucks for me at this point.
I hate weekends because i don't get to see him. I can't wait for mondays. how sad is that?
Anyway. i don't know what to do. and i'm sad. really sad 'cause it feels like nothing is ever going to happen and i hate that. but at the same time, it seems that he's out of my league and i'm wasting my time.
it's not the greatest situation for me.
REALLY. NOTHING IS GOING FOR ME TONIGHT.
i wonder if i'm cursed or something.
lets start at the beginning, shall we?
So, i like this guy really bad, but i haven't talked to him for a year or two cuse we don't have any classes together or anything. THis year we had english together, but not three days into the school year he transferred out because he wasn't originally supposed to be in the class *ugh*.
I am like, SUPER shy person and really insecure so i am scared to try to talk to him on facebook or anything 'cause i don't want to make it seem weird 'cause we haven't talked for a really long while and i don't want to make it seem like i like him.
Tonight we had a cabaret that he was supposedly going to. i was really excited about that so i went with a couple friends. before hand i had specially picked out my clothes and done my hair and everything in hopes of seeing him and stuff. so, at the cabaret, i was looking for him during the whole thing. he didn't even show up.
i feel so stupid 'cause i tried so hard to look good and everything. he didn't even go.
i just don't know how to talk to him or anything 'cause of my shyness.
have i mentioned that i'm a really big hopeless romanitc??
i read so many books and it sucks when i have to come back to reality 'cause its COMPLETELY different.
it doesn't help that my school is weird.
everything is backwards. we hate the cheerleaders, our football team sucks, we are amazing at soccer and vollyball. we love our guys vollyball team. Overall, we're pretty darn good at sports.
we don't have any cliques. and NOBODY goes out together. i bet at any other school people go out on dates and have boyfriend/girlfriends. i hate how at my school, the guys all keep to themselves.
it doesn't help the whole shyness thing.
so the guy i like is always in my mind. like now.
i've tried not to like him, but it hasn't worked so i've given up on that.
It's 1:39am and I'm at the point right now where my sleep is where i want to live. it has been for a while. i keep dreaming of him and how we always end up together, and i just wish so badly that it is real.
I hate this feeling and can't get it to go away.
Everyday i pass him in the hallways 3 different times. everytime we lock eyes and all but i can't get myself to say hi cuse i'm too scared he'll either just keep walking and pretend to not see me or what his reaction will be.
Did i mention that when we did talk a couple of my friends kept telling me that they thought he liked me at the time??
yeah. so life really sucks for me at this point.
I hate weekends because i don't get to see him. I can't wait for mondays. how sad is that?
Anyway. i don't know what to do. and i'm sad. really sad 'cause it feels like nothing is ever going to happen and i hate that. but at the same time, it seems that he's out of my league and i'm wasting my time.
it's not the greatest situation for me.
Posted on November 7th, 2009 at 07:50am
