I hate having cancer. ugh

Yeah, this is my first journal entry.
So about a week and a half ago, I found out that I have lukemia (cancer, for those of you who don't know) and that I have a 50% chance of making it to 15 (I'm almost 14). I've been in the hospital for about a week now recieving my first rounds of chemotherapy. The docters said that they're smaller doses because my body hase to get used to it first, but its already having a dramitic affect on me (bad). For example: I have absolutely no appetite but when I do eat, I throw it all back up, I'm always tired and nauseous, I don't have enough strength to walk by myself, it's hard to use my hands (i.e: typing, tying shoes, buttoning or unbuttong something) and theytingle (kina like you hand is asleep), I have sores all over in my mouth, so it hurts when I talk, and my skin is all dry. I'm not really scared anymore that I have cancer, I'm just really frusrated. It's really hard on my family because my dad died from the same thing when I was 7. My moms been with me the whole time I've been here, but she has to go back to work on Monday. She basically fought with her boss about getting another week off, but she has patients to see (she's a therapist). To tell you the truth, I'm a little scared about being here all alone during my chemo sessions. She's the one who hwlps get me throuh that, and now she won't be here for it. I know that she is really stressed right now, so I don't wanna bring anything up, but I'm not sure what to do. All I really do all day is et chemo, sleep, throw up, go on here, play guitar here, and listen to my iPod. fun. At least I have a really cool nurse. She loves all of the music I do and it seems like she actually cares about my health (unlike all of the other bitchy nurses). She even brought my pizza for linch instead of shitty hospital food. The only thing worth eating here is the jello. uh thank god for internet access.
To top all of this shit off, I have writers block. Whenever I write a chapter to my story "It was a lie when they smiled and said "you won't feel a thing", its always really damn short. I keep on asking my readers if they would like to be a co-auther but noooooooooooooooooooo. ugh. I'll stop my little rant. Thanks for listening......or reading I guess. tehee

Posted on January 6th, 2008 at 09:16am

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Author info

I'm the new cancer

I'm the new cancer
Name
Kiersten
Age
14
Gender
Female
Location
Mishitgan
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