A long Way From The End
Well I don’t know anymore. There are just some things I cant fix but what did I do wrong? I want to try. Im tired of crying and im tired of covering it up with a smile. Im tired of this game. I want to be myself. I just wish I wasn’t so afraid to be. I just want him to accept me but I know he never will. I want to not get my heart broken again and again. Just let me know what I can do to fix it. I don’t like the thoughts I get when I think about you. I made a promise and im going to try to keep this one. I keep telling myself im different then I was but really im not. Im not happy. I want a happy ending for once. I want to be the one with a real smile on her face. I want to be strong for my friends and family but Im to weak. I wish I wasn’t. I lie to myself everyday and say everything’s going to be okay but how do I know that?
Has it been? No. I want to be happy and I want to smile but I want it to be real not an act im putting on. I want to make peoples lives worth living but I cant do that till I make mine worth living. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Im afraid of myself. Im afraid of what I can do. Im afraid of getting left again.
I want everyone who said they would always be there to mean it.
Not to lie because they are my friend. I want to be there for them. Im not okay I know that. I lost myself and I don’t know how long it will take for me to find myself but I hope it is soon. I just don’t think I can do it alone. I want to be better but not a fake.
So to all those who care im sorry am a screw up and I just hope that if I do anything stupid you guys will still be there. I just wish one person was there for the mess he made. I wish that I can be a better person but I cant if I have a hole in my heart from what he did. Its my fault I lost him as a friend but I wish he would come back. I hate to admit it but I need him more then ever.
I need my dad and I need him but right now neither of them are there. I just don’t see what I did wrong for them to leave me. I never left. I just wonder if they care about me as much as I care about them.
Has it been? No. I want to be happy and I want to smile but I want it to be real not an act im putting on. I want to make peoples lives worth living but I cant do that till I make mine worth living. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Im afraid of myself. Im afraid of what I can do. Im afraid of getting left again.
I want everyone who said they would always be there to mean it.
Not to lie because they are my friend. I want to be there for them. Im not okay I know that. I lost myself and I don’t know how long it will take for me to find myself but I hope it is soon. I just don’t think I can do it alone. I want to be better but not a fake.
So to all those who care im sorry am a screw up and I just hope that if I do anything stupid you guys will still be there. I just wish one person was there for the mess he made. I wish that I can be a better person but I cant if I have a hole in my heart from what he did. Its my fault I lost him as a friend but I wish he would come back. I hate to admit it but I need him more then ever.
I need my dad and I need him but right now neither of them are there. I just don’t see what I did wrong for them to leave me. I never left. I just wonder if they care about me as much as I care about them.
Posted on March 5th, 2008 at 02:04am
this about your dad?... email me and we can tlk privately i rly dont like spilling my guts everywhere so email me:)
mannaquin, March 5th, 2008 at 11:18:43pm
I've written things sooo similar to this before and of course I can't know what you're feeling, I'm not you but I can relate. I've been lost before and it sucks big time I know but you will get through it. I can't say I've found myself yet so I suppose I'm still a little but I think thats okay to be lost and not know who you are as long as you know who you want to be. And they DO care as much about you as you do about them.
walking.in.rain, March 5th, 2008 at 02:49:01am