So either I'm left behind, or far ahead

Do you ever read stories where there's a group of friends, and one of them is completely uninterested in relationships, gossip and that sort of teenagerish crap? And that one person always seems to be represented as the one who's behind all the rest, since they're the only one not going through that phase. Should I call it a phase? Some people never pull themselves out of it. Some people live the rest of their lives chin-deep in drama. It's kind of disgusting how people can't exist without worrying what other people think, what they're saying and who they're sleeping with. Why does that even matter?

I'll admit, I went through something like that myself. It was a while back. I was an idiot. I'm still an idiot, but I like to say that I'm less of an idiot now than I was before. I mean, why should I concern myself with somebody else's life? If they have nothing better to do than to claim I'm a stalker when I walk near them, then so be it. No matter what they shout, what they claim and what rumours they spread, it's not changing the fact that it's a lie. It isn't a court of law, and I'm not being accused of something I haven't done. I don't see why letting somebody believe I'm hopelessly in love with them should bother me.

But they don't understand. It seems my friends are completely paranoid. We can't walk near a group since they might think we're stalkers. I can't talk to a member of the opposite gender because I might look interested. There's a reason I'm so interested in things like the Day of Silence, homophobia and spreading the knowledge that it isn't a choice. I don't think they ever realised it though, since they don't notice when it matters. Well, I'm glad they don't know, since then I'd be romantically interested in everybody. I told them that nobody I know is attractive, yet they don't get that either. Physical attraction is nothing when I know what disgusting people they are inside.

Not that I've felt anything near attraction to anybody in a long time. I don't see the point. Relationships are a waste of energy, really. If it comes to me, I'm okay with it, but I'm not going to actively search for something I never wanted in the first place. I'm not going to submit everybody to rigorous testing to see if they'll be an acceptable partner. I don't think people get that. It's middle school, for crying out loud. It's highly unlikely that you and your new boyfriend are going to get married and have children and a pretty mansion and a limo just like that prediction from the game MASH.

I guess in short, I'm feeling like a stereotypical teen: misunderstood. But it's more my peers than my parents or adults. I can sympathise with the adults. That's not cool, though, since adults don't want you sleeping with your sexy boyfriend Alex who'll totally stay with you forever, or whatever else it is that kids my age want to do these days. I thought this kind of thing was reserved for when you're, I don't know, fifteen or sixteen or something.

Things would be easier if I could squeeze myself into one of those nerdy groups. The ones where the latest technology and debates on Batman's balls take place of gossip, relationships and truth-or-dare games where the dares are all sadly the same: "Tell him you loooove him!!" I'll have to try my luck next year, when the circles loosen up. Then, I can finally get this shit off my mind.