Stop Hating How You Look
As anyone who reads my journals will know by now, I have serious issues when it comes to how I look, what I weigh, my body, you get the idea. But last night, I just decided to stop hating how I look.
From here on in, I'm going to keep to a healthy diet, which I do anyway; I don't eat crap practically at all. I occasionally treat myself. I'm not going to attempt to eat 800 calories a day, because it's madness. I realise that now.
I'm going to walk every day, as not only will that keep me fit and stop me obsessing about how much I excersise, it can help with battling depression.
Every time I get ready, and I reach to wear something, then put it back, because I fear it'll make me look fat, I'm going to stop and wear it anyway, and remind myself; I am not fat, and I am not ugly. I can't lie to myself, and say, "You're beautiful" or, "You have a good figure", because I don't believe that yet. But I will in time. And by saying, "I an not fat, and I am not ugly" I'm not lying to myself.
My friends, are, in all honesty, very critical and a bunch of anorexics. But rather than critisising people with them, and telling them I weigh lower than I do, and that I've eaten less than I have, I'm going to pick them up on it. I'm sick of being a doormat.
I know there will be days I still hate how I look, and I want to go back to my old ways of 800 calories a day, and pining over stick thin models in teen magazines, but it's not the way forward for me. And I won't do it anymore. No matter how miserable I will feel sometimes, if I give in and carry on how I am just now, I'll get no where with my life.
I've always been the one asking for advice, so now, if anyone feels the same, please speak up and I'll do my best to help.
I don't believe I am pretty, or thin, but I also don't believe I am fat or ugly. And I never did.
The people around me made me believe it. They didn't mean to, but I didn't react. But I will be reacting from now on.
=)
xox
From here on in, I'm going to keep to a healthy diet, which I do anyway; I don't eat crap practically at all. I occasionally treat myself. I'm not going to attempt to eat 800 calories a day, because it's madness. I realise that now.
I'm going to walk every day, as not only will that keep me fit and stop me obsessing about how much I excersise, it can help with battling depression.
Every time I get ready, and I reach to wear something, then put it back, because I fear it'll make me look fat, I'm going to stop and wear it anyway, and remind myself; I am not fat, and I am not ugly. I can't lie to myself, and say, "You're beautiful" or, "You have a good figure", because I don't believe that yet. But I will in time. And by saying, "I an not fat, and I am not ugly" I'm not lying to myself.
My friends, are, in all honesty, very critical and a bunch of anorexics. But rather than critisising people with them, and telling them I weigh lower than I do, and that I've eaten less than I have, I'm going to pick them up on it. I'm sick of being a doormat.
I know there will be days I still hate how I look, and I want to go back to my old ways of 800 calories a day, and pining over stick thin models in teen magazines, but it's not the way forward for me. And I won't do it anymore. No matter how miserable I will feel sometimes, if I give in and carry on how I am just now, I'll get no where with my life.
I've always been the one asking for advice, so now, if anyone feels the same, please speak up and I'll do my best to help.
I don't believe I am pretty, or thin, but I also don't believe I am fat or ugly. And I never did.
The people around me made me believe it. They didn't mean to, but I didn't react. But I will be reacting from now on.
=)
xox
Posted on May 23rd, 2008 at 04:07pm
I'm glad you are making a change. =) The confidense I can sence says it all.
You're better than your friends if you are going to try and be on a diet instead of just not eating. Much love to you babe.
Frank!enstein, May 29th, 2008 at 12:38:40am
I used to be so bad with calling myelf fat and ugly, but I dropped 50 pounds, and while I'm still fat (I weigh around 169 pounds) I feel so much better abotu myself. The best is putting on old clothes that you haven't worn since you started, and then laughing when you're swimming in them XD
I want to be skinny, but I know I'll never be like one of those models. I'm hppy where I'm at now, but when I go to boot camp, I'm definately going to lose more. WhatI weigh now, I haven't weighed that since between 7-8h grade!
the big thing, don't care what people think. don't become anorexic or bulimic, eat healthy and excersize normally, not killing oruself. You'd actually be amazed at how much better you'd feel.
Synyster Lisa, May 23rd, 2008 at 07:04:00pm
Yeah, if they're true friends, things like that shouldn't matter. I just want to get to the stage that stuff like my weight doesn't mean as much to me. Because unless you're really overweight or underweight, it's a pretty trivial thing =)
xxxx
Vampire_Vogue, May 23rd, 2008 at 04:34:46pm
Yay!
I know what you mean... I don't think of myself as pretty or thin, but I wouldn't consider myself fat or ugly, either. I'm glad you're going to eat healthily because it will make you feel better... and hey, I have pretty big issues when it comes to my weight, 'n' all... c'mon, I didn't write a journal on pro-ana for absolutely no reason.
I used to tell people I weighed more, because I was scared they wouldn't believe the truth. But really, no one cares about your weight or what you look like, except you. My friends still hang around with me when I haven't washed my hair in a month and have been wearing the same clothes for a week. If people don't respect you for who you are, then screw 'em (but of course, extreme lapses in hygiene like that are rather disgusting and not recommened)
Your environment can have a massive effect on how you behave.
... Was that mini rant even sensical? ¬_¬
But once again, yay!
what the chipmunk?, May 23rd, 2008 at 04:23:42pm
Thank you =) and yeah, that's very true
I just know if I don't admit I have a problem here things will only get worse
xxxx
Vampire_Vogue, May 23rd, 2008 at 04:22:33pm
^.^
It's so awesome to hear that you're making this change. A little bit of confidence goes a long way.
=]
~Ruthus
xoxox
Spencer., May 23rd, 2008 at 04:14:56pm