Sailing Winds

I am sailing on my boat blindly, missing the memories of her. I miss the way she holds me when I am lost somewhere deep and dark without my light. I miss the way she smiled at me when I found I could not find my happyness anywhere else. I miss the way she whispered to me when I thought I could hear nothing in my life. I miss the way she stood by me when I needed her to stand there for me.

I am somewhere far from home. I cannot see behind me anymore as I sail through the waves with the wind blowing across my face. I wonder now if maybe I am blindly sailing. It feels as if I am. I breathed and let the flashback appear. She begged me not to leave. I couldn't stay. I had left her and sailed far away from her. Just for a second I could imagine her eyes again. They were blue and as deep as the very sea I am above. I could stare at the dark blue waters of her eyes forever.

It seems the music is calling to me. It feels like I am being called to keep sailing. I still do not know where, but I have left so much behind. My boat is nothing special, but it is my own special vessel. It is not creaky and leaky, but it is not a capital ship or a steel battleship. It is my vessel which I have built. I sail through the darkness of the night without ever so much as a clue to where I am going.

I know my maps and navigation tools guide me, but they cannot tell me what lies ahead. Only my instincts can tell me that. Only the waves can guide me further. But to where am I sailing? The question lingers inside my mind, burning my thoughts to a perplexing loop of madness. It is torture to me and I can only stare upon the surface of the water, thinking of her eyes again.

I am dreaming again of this woman who leads me to change my course. Then again, we all change our course in life towards the unexpected. But why does my heart lead me to sail to her? It is a question I continue to think through as the vessel sways from the turbulence. Even the swaying of my vessel reminds me of the embraces I remind myself of so long ago. Buried in the past, I cannot help but sweep away the dust of time from the bones of my memories in which the skeleton of my past is made up of.

But she is not extinct and I am still above water, not below it. I can only sail further and further until I find her. I can only hear the whispers in her voice calling me and beckoning me. Strangely, she hints at it more and more. But I am lost at sea, not trusting on or relying on my maps. It is only the winds that push my vessel farther. It is with the wind that I am sailing with. The current guides me closer to her with every passing sway of each wave. Alas, my vessel will soon arrive and make land soon.

To an island which I will soon find paradise in forever. To a place where the sun can never burn you and the cold can never stop you. To a place where the rain relinquishes my tears and returns to me the passions of once past times. To a place where I will find shelter from the harsh elements of this unforgiving world. A place where I can find refuge and build a life. A place so far away from home that I will one day call it home. A land unknown to me but yet so familiar to me. A place I hope I will never leave.