Happy Birthday, Isabella Cheyenne Hendricks
Dear Isabella,
Sweetie, I need you now more than ever. Your big sister loves you so much and every word she types brings another flood of tears. My heart shatters. Tomorrow would have been your 4th birthday, and I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for the 4th year in a row. Your whole family misses you, but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who remembers you. I want God to give you back to me this instant. I need you more than He EVER will.
When you left me, it seemed like I was the butt of a cruel, sick, sadistic, digusting joke. It was like "HAHA PSYCHEEEEEEE. YOU DON'T GET SHIT HAHAHAHA." The only time I wanted to hear 'psyche' then was when our parents told me you weren't coming home. I really wanted you here. I had been waiting for you for nearly 9 1/2 years. How could you do that to me? I'm starting to have doubts. If God loves me so much, then why would He make me a pawn in this cruel game? I had gotten my hopes so high (Mt. Everest never had shit on them, that's how anxious I was for you). I had so much advice to pass on to you.
Or... maybe He's been trying to tell me the whole time. Maybe He had been trying for 9 years and I still didn't get it. Maybe this was what He had to do for me to realize that it wasn't happening.
I wish you could hear a word I say. I'll even let you scrutinize it. Oh, wait. Sweetie, those words might be too big. Haha, after all, you're only 3, going on 4 years old. Just give me some sign that you love me just as much as I love you.
Nobody notices how much I struggle without you. I don't think so, anyway. I don't express my feelings. I keep them bottled up in my pocket until someone steals it and pops the cork off the top. One of my former best friends said I need to kick this 'poor pitiful me' kick. She was supposed to see right through me. Haha, she'll never learn, will she? That'll be our inside joke, alright?
I've been defending you since before you were born. This used to be a twisted game of 'Follow The Leader.' When you left this earth, I wanted to follow you. Lately, I haven't been feeling so. Thank Bob for me starting to feel like I'm (kind of) on the right track again.
I get on the defensive every time someone speaks ill of their brothers and sisters. Have you noticed at all?
Love,
Raven
Sweetie, I need you now more than ever. Your big sister loves you so much and every word she types brings another flood of tears. My heart shatters. Tomorrow would have been your 4th birthday, and I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for the 4th year in a row. Your whole family misses you, but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who remembers you. I want God to give you back to me this instant. I need you more than He EVER will.
When you left me, it seemed like I was the butt of a cruel, sick, sadistic, digusting joke. It was like "HAHA PSYCHEEEEEEE. YOU DON'T GET SHIT HAHAHAHA." The only time I wanted to hear 'psyche' then was when our parents told me you weren't coming home. I really wanted you here. I had been waiting for you for nearly 9 1/2 years. How could you do that to me? I'm starting to have doubts. If God loves me so much, then why would He make me a pawn in this cruel game? I had gotten my hopes so high (Mt. Everest never had shit on them, that's how anxious I was for you). I had so much advice to pass on to you.
Or... maybe He's been trying to tell me the whole time. Maybe He had been trying for 9 years and I still didn't get it. Maybe this was what He had to do for me to realize that it wasn't happening.
I wish you could hear a word I say. I'll even let you scrutinize it. Oh, wait. Sweetie, those words might be too big. Haha, after all, you're only 3, going on 4 years old. Just give me some sign that you love me just as much as I love you.
Nobody notices how much I struggle without you. I don't think so, anyway. I don't express my feelings. I keep them bottled up in my pocket until someone steals it and pops the cork off the top. One of my former best friends said I need to kick this 'poor pitiful me' kick. She was supposed to see right through me. Haha, she'll never learn, will she? That'll be our inside joke, alright?
I've been defending you since before you were born. This used to be a twisted game of 'Follow The Leader.' When you left this earth, I wanted to follow you. Lately, I haven't been feeling so. Thank Bob for me starting to feel like I'm (kind of) on the right track again.
I get on the defensive every time someone speaks ill of their brothers and sisters. Have you noticed at all?
Love,
Raven
Posted on July 25th, 2008 at 04:06am
