And so, today...

A friend called me. I hadn't talked to him in weeks. Our conversation lasted for probably two and a half hours.

As close as we are, I learned that he had never found out what happened between my last boyfriend, who he's also fairly close to, and me.

The more I explained to him, the more I began to miss my ex. I recalled little things like our nine-hour phone calls and his remembering my favorite candy.

Our break-up was mutual. For the last three or so weeks of our relationship, I couldn't even kiss him anymore. I felt guilty, because I had a crush on someone else. But I couldn't figure out how to tell him why I was acting this way, so he was probably really confused. Anyway, he told me we weren't working out, and I was relieved. I told him I agreed and that was that.

After we broke up, we remained friends. But it was a bit awkward. I'd get jealous seeing him with other girls. I knew I still had feelings for him.

And the sad part is that this crush of mine lasted for not even a month after my ex and I broke up.

Now? I haven't talked to him since school got out. I've had this strange urge to call him, but maybe he wouldn't want to talk to me.

Okay, no, that's not all that's holding me back. Like before, I have another of those silly crushes... If my ex and I got involved again, it would end the same way.

For a few months, I've only had eyes for one person. How could I think that would last? With me, it never does. And a lot of the time, the two people are a best friend and a total stranger.

Today, the best friend is my ex, but the total stranger?

He's exactly that. I know so, so little about him, but I'm very attached to him. It's to the point where I'm so convinced he's inhumanly superior to me, my heart starts to race and I lose my voice in his very presence.

How lame is that?

I've been asking God to distract me from this stranger. I thought he'd answered my prayer when my best friend Michael went to Wisconsin for a few weeks, because I miss him to pieces, but I dissected that theory and found it to be false. I won't bore you with details, but in short, I don't have feelings for Michael because I'm a heartless prick.

So there's MY problem.

Anyway, now I think perhaps God is at it again. It's so cliche but it's true; God works in mysterious ways.