Shadow of the Day
(I pasted this from my external blog)
Currently listening:
Bright Lights
Matchbox 20
I've been through worse, but this has been one of the worst weeks I've ever had to endure. It's been motherfucking one mishap after another. It seems like all I know is chaos. As dumb as it sounds, I was gonna hold everything in (like I have a bad habit of always doing,) but my keychain breaking when I locked my dorm tonight was the straw that broke the camel's back.
No matter how far away from home I go, I have this big ball of other people's melodrama clouding my thoughts & sometimes it literally gets hard to breather. My heart thunders in my chest, my anxieties mount and I'm gasping for air. I feel like a walking tangled mess of anger, depression & anxiety. I just want this monkey off my back. This is supposed to be a joyous and momentous time in my life, but lately I've felt like gum stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe.
For countless years, I've had to take a back seat in life and sacrifice my happiness so that others could prosper, but it's my turn now. I will be so happy when the proverbial silver lining comes on the fringes of these storm clouds & I can finally be responsible for my own joy. I've worked too damn hard and come too far to have to deal with melodramatic bullshit whenever I need a moment's peace.
I've got a hole in me now
Yeah I've got a scar I can talk about
My friends wonder why I'm so adamant about staying at CP and not going home during the weekend like the other in-state kids & the truth is that while I love my folks & friends, I need time away to think about shit without getting pulled in 10 different directions. I can't help but worry or wear my heart on my sleeve (it's in my nature), but after years of holding everything in and trying to "toughen up", my resolve has weakened and I need to build it back up to its former grandstanding.
She got outta town
On a railway New York bound
Even the best of us have to learn to know when to throw their hands up and ask for help; trust me, I've learned that the hard way. It used to be like slow torture to tell people how I feel, but sometimes that's all you got to rely on. I know this won't last forever, but dammit I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired. My whole adolescence has been one rut after another. If it weren't for my friends & my music, I don't even know If I'd be here to tell you the truth.
Each day gets a smidge easier, so maybe all I can do is play the waiting game for now...
Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?
Currently listening:
Bright Lights
Matchbox 20
I've been through worse, but this has been one of the worst weeks I've ever had to endure. It's been motherfucking one mishap after another. It seems like all I know is chaos. As dumb as it sounds, I was gonna hold everything in (like I have a bad habit of always doing,) but my keychain breaking when I locked my dorm tonight was the straw that broke the camel's back.
No matter how far away from home I go, I have this big ball of other people's melodrama clouding my thoughts & sometimes it literally gets hard to breather. My heart thunders in my chest, my anxieties mount and I'm gasping for air. I feel like a walking tangled mess of anger, depression & anxiety. I just want this monkey off my back. This is supposed to be a joyous and momentous time in my life, but lately I've felt like gum stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe.
For countless years, I've had to take a back seat in life and sacrifice my happiness so that others could prosper, but it's my turn now. I will be so happy when the proverbial silver lining comes on the fringes of these storm clouds & I can finally be responsible for my own joy. I've worked too damn hard and come too far to have to deal with melodramatic bullshit whenever I need a moment's peace.
I've got a hole in me now
Yeah I've got a scar I can talk about
My friends wonder why I'm so adamant about staying at CP and not going home during the weekend like the other in-state kids & the truth is that while I love my folks & friends, I need time away to think about shit without getting pulled in 10 different directions. I can't help but worry or wear my heart on my sleeve (it's in my nature), but after years of holding everything in and trying to "toughen up", my resolve has weakened and I need to build it back up to its former grandstanding.
She got outta town
On a railway New York bound
Even the best of us have to learn to know when to throw their hands up and ask for help; trust me, I've learned that the hard way. It used to be like slow torture to tell people how I feel, but sometimes that's all you got to rely on. I know this won't last forever, but dammit I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired. My whole adolescence has been one rut after another. If it weren't for my friends & my music, I don't even know If I'd be here to tell you the truth.
Each day gets a smidge easier, so maybe all I can do is play the waiting game for now...
Baby, baby, baby
When all your love is gone
Who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?
Posted on August 15th, 2008 at 05:38am
