My Confession

I've never told a lie,
and that makes me a liar,
I've never made a bet,
but we gamble with desire,
I've never lit a match,
with intent to start a fire,
but recently the flames,
are getting out of control.
Call me a name,
Kill me with words,
Forget about me,
It's what I deserve,
I was your chance,
to get out of this town,
but I ditched the car,
and left you to,

I am afraid to say that I have probably messed up my life right now. I had the most amazing friends...but I'm scared that they might leave me. These lyrics above sum up how I feel, the person who I think I messed it up with the most knows who they are. Then there is someone else that I NEVER meant to hurt I probably did. I'm such a fuck up I sware. Every relationship that I ever have I scru up. I don't know why people talk to me at all. I give my heart to people and they mess it up, I guess thats one of the reasons that I am like this. I cause so many fights so many arguments, so many heart breaks. Heart breaks that I never meant to cause. I wish I could go back and say to myself 'your going to fuck things up really bad don't do this' but of course life isn't that easy. I don't have control over my heart and I'm so sorry I truely am! I have messed up so many things right now...and I honestly don't know how to fix them. I never ment for things to go like this. This direction, its hurting everyone including myself. I am sitting here ready to cry because I think I lost the most important people to me. I cna't believe how fucking stupid I am....