This Ugliness, Myself
Hello
I'm depressed again. I've only been back in school for three days and the pain has reared it's hideous head and has ripped me apart. It's been creeping through my veins-a pulsing fatal laceration that will not leave me.
I need help. I am so weary of this constant fighting; fighting against myself, against everything else in my life. I am in an immortal battle against me.
The worst part is I have no reason to be unhappy. I have been reunited with my friends. Actually, Sam has been evading me and Luke and Tom are forever mocking me. I am just so tired of everything
There is no need for me to be so unhappy. I have a seemingly perfect life. I should be content, but instead I'm strained with paranoia. Even when silent, I scream discomfort with this life.
I need some help yet it is only when I have a panic attack do my family notice anything is wrong. Even then, they shrug it off, scream at me and force me to go out.
I don't know what to do.
Betty
xxxxx
Also, any Evanescence fans?
I'm depressed again. I've only been back in school for three days and the pain has reared it's hideous head and has ripped me apart. It's been creeping through my veins-a pulsing fatal laceration that will not leave me.
I need help. I am so weary of this constant fighting; fighting against myself, against everything else in my life. I am in an immortal battle against me.
The worst part is I have no reason to be unhappy. I have been reunited with my friends. Actually, Sam has been evading me and Luke and Tom are forever mocking me. I am just so tired of everything
There is no need for me to be so unhappy. I have a seemingly perfect life. I should be content, but instead I'm strained with paranoia. Even when silent, I scream discomfort with this life.
I need some help yet it is only when I have a panic attack do my family notice anything is wrong. Even then, they shrug it off, scream at me and force me to go out.
I don't know what to do.
Betty
xxxxx
Also, any Evanescence fans?
Posted on September 5th, 2008 at 07:21pm
Evanescence rocks :)
Well, I'm not that perfect when It comes to this stuff either hun. I'm a bit like that, and I HAD (they....or rather she is no longer my friend) a friend like that. She went down to flordia every month, but, still nothing. She had best friends galore (still does, just not me) yet, nothing.
Talk to your parents, and if you think they don't care, talk to a teacher or preist or someone who does and will care.
Spencer James Smith, September 6th, 2008 at 06:06:50am
this is going to make me sound old, but i went through the exact same thing at 13/14. it passes. trust me. it will get better. i know it might not seem like it now, but i guarantee you that you will feel better in time. it's just the age.
i never saw a professional and i'm totally ok. maybe that's just me. i learned to handle it myself and had a good friend to talk to.
i really hope i don't sound patronizing or condescending. really, it will get better. (:
bright eyes., September 6th, 2008 at 12:30:31am
all good advice. i'd suggest trying their advice before trying mine lol.
The Gunslinger, September 5th, 2008 at 10:48:43pm
Tell someone.
Even if you are scared, it will only get worse. I'm not trying to sound like a b*tch, but honestly the only way it will get better is if you tell someone; you work yourself up about telling people, but when you finally do, it's amazing. Even if it's not a possitive reaction.
Believe me, I went through it and my dad went psycho because I told him I didn't feel good. But, I still felt better after telling someone. Even if it wasn't the right person to go to. :)
Jacquelyn, September 5th, 2008 at 10:04:03pm
Betty, its okay to feel unhappy when it feels like there is nothing wrong - or should be wrong.
"I am so weary of this constant fighting; fighting against myself, against everything else in my life."
Maybe, you should not stop fighting, but start fighting to get feeling better. Sometimes, occupying your time can help, whether that be absorbing yourself in writing, reading or volunteer/charity work.
The best thing to do is talk about your feelings, not ignore them because you are an important person.
I'm always here for you my sweet.
And also, your family may be reacting the way that they are because they do not want to feel responsible and thus like to keep their heads in the sand.
I'm an Evanescence fan! :]
Carly., September 5th, 2008 at 09:13:45pm
I probably never would have asked for help if my mom never intervened. You'll just have to nicely ask your mom or dad for help with this and ask them to understand.
And if they say that you don't need to see the doctor or something, say something like "Let me hear that from the doctor." or something to that effect.
The Gunslinger, September 5th, 2008 at 08:03:03pm
Thank you
I know, but I'm really scared to tell anyone
Oh Franklin!, September 5th, 2008 at 07:38:18pm
Hmm... The only thing i know to say you might not like. But i say it because i've been trhough it and it worked for me. Ready? Maybe see a doctor... A couple years ago i was in that same position. I was really unhappy about basically everything and i really had no reason to be. I was slowy fading away from everything and everyone and was just really unhappy and annoyed with everything.
Luckily my mother is a guidence counselor and she noticed my depression and what not and talked to me about it and finally suggested one day that we see a doctor.
I was like f*ck no. i don't need to see a doctor. theres nothing wrong with me, i just have a sh*tt life and no one really likes me.
finally she made me go, and the doctor put me on some pretty basic anti-depressants.
and you know what, it turned out that i just had a small chemical problem and after a while i started to feel better and be myself again.
i was on the pills for a couple years and now i'm off them and better than ever.
i'm so glad my mom made me go to the doctor.
i don't know if thats what you wanted to hear, but your situation reminds me a little of my own and thats what worked out well for me.
Good Luck!
The Gunslinger, September 5th, 2008 at 07:32:01pm