Afaid of what can happen.

So me and the "unoffical girlfriend" its complicated have been getting close and i having been talking about sex. See the things is that she is a virgin and i am afraid i am not a virgin i have been with other girls but that was at parties and this is so much more different. I actual love her the other girls that i slept with i was either drunk or high or just didnt feel love for them.

Sex isnt something that i want so bad that i beg for it. Just when its the heat of the moment it just falls in line. We have done messed around just me playing with her and all that stuff. I have put it in once but it hurt to much for her so i stopped. We have talked about it and she does and doesn't want to do it.

I wrote that other journal saying that sex just makes things worst and i think that is true i just love her so much that i am just so afraid to do this i don't want to force the issue. I am not 100% sure if this is what i want, its just such a HUGE step that i am afraid of hurting her or running things. I have been sitting here thinking everything is perfect right now i don't want to ruin things.

See we are different we dont like to do what society wants us to do. Why should we follow the "rules" of society when we can just make are owe.

This is the scariest thing that i have ever dealt with in my life and she is just as scared and i just don't cause she is fragile and i just dont want to do anything to hurt her she is the most important thing in my life and i love her so much i am just so afraid.......