Divorce

I'm scared.

Absolutely, completely, honestly horrified.

They don't stop. The arguments, the shouting, I can hear it when I'm taking a shower.

Their just so loud.
And I can't stop crying.

Why can't they just get along? Its a stupid stupid STUPID reason to argue. My family can't afford to send my older brother to college, so my dad wants to send him to the Marine Corps. My mom is afraid he's going to die, and she thinks its a stupid reason to send him there, just cause the Marine Corps will pay for his tuition.

My dad keeps donating money to charities and stuff like that, but my mom is pissed off at him for that, because he can afford sending money to charities but he won't send his own son to a good college?

They keep arguing about it, and my mom always ends up crying because she knows my dad will have his way (cause he's too fucking stubborn to admit when he's wrong). And its absolutely horrifying hearing my mom cry, its like... your parents are supposed to be strong for you, and seeing someone like your mom cry, its just, like... I don't know what to do.

I'm so fucking useless right now, I'm just watching my family tear itself apart, and there's nothing I can fucking do about it.

"I'm just man, I'm not a hero, just boy, who was meant to sing this song"
"We'll carry on, we'll carry on"

That seems to be the only thing keeping me alive these days. I haven't cut myself in over a year, but now I'm starting all over again. I'm crying, I'm bleeding, and I can't keep going on like this. Suicide is the only thought keeping me sane, I promised myself I wouldn't think about it, because I used to be so much better than this, but I'm not so sure anymore.

I'm not so sure anymore about anything now...

"I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone"

"So give me all your poison, and give me all your pills, and give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill, your running after something that you'll never kill, if this is what you want, then FIRE AT WILL"

Its just not enough, I don't know how long I can keep this up. I'm just not worth it anymore.
Nobody even needs to read this shit.