Seventwentyfive

"Before I go to town I cut myself.

The knife has engraved handle, I make the cut from the start of my wrist to elbow in a straight line. I pour water over the wound and watch the bloody water spill. The scenery is almost movie like, suicidal and tense. Adrenalin bomb. I put gauze over it and I can still feel pain, I suck air in my lungs through my mouth, my teeth pulled so tightly together that it makes a 'sss' sound... and I see scenery I otherwise wouldn't. I fill tiny bit of fear in my damn perfect life. Fear and pain hold me up.

No, my story isn't tragic. I don't go to shrink. I've never felt unhappy love. For most of the people I look pleasant and I feel good in front of a mirror. But I need misery. I want to see perfect blue eyes; red and teary. I want to hear suffer and I need to see hell. There is no place for happiness, I have enough of that. I've had enough joy and cuddling and spinning at meadows in the morning dawn. It's time for something else.

I know I'm just a spoiled punk. But no one suffers because of me. I'm irrelevant. Walk pass me you ignorant persons. I used to think I'll make a change. That I'll make an impact on the world and breath with it and change the current. Now I'm coughing. There is no current. And she is gone.

I'm afraid of old people. They know too much.

Before I say anything else, I have a task for you: take a deep breath and scream. Scream, 'till you run out of air and you can only manage to let out that last rasping noise. Well, this rasp is our generation, the generation of the end of scream. All happened during inhalation, during the scream, but we are losing ourselves in the rasping noise, so unimportant that no one can hear us. I hung myself on this piece and I refuse to let it be unheard... even though it's to late.
Please, take a breath. If you don't want to, turn around sometimes and listen to yourself. What do you speak? Watch what you're doing. The world around us is bubbling and we are killing time. If you change a thing, maybe you won't become a shadow. Maybe you won't just run through darkness, but you will dare to stand in the light of the day. Do what you want, just change a thing. Anything. "

Nejc Gazvoda.

He is Slovenian author. I just spent the last hour translating this. I could do it in 10mins, but I didn't. Want to know why? Because it's beautiful. I didn't want to destroy it. I probably did though, but you get a glimpse of his writing. The sentences that sounds a bit weird and unconnected, like they were jumping from theme to theme are like that in Slovene too. It's just his style.

He wrote this in a book called Squirrels don't miss a thing. Yea, it's a great book. It deals with the dark sides of society, the ones we'd probably rather forget that they indeed exist. He wrote it when he was still in high-school.

Well, I just wanted to share this little piece of a chapter. He really is an amazing author though, don't let my none existing powers of translation tell you otherwise.