I Don't Know Anymore.

Honestly I don't think I'll ever be happy. It's myself that's, well, stopping me from being happy. I question everything. I think too much. Sometimes I wonder why I said yes to him. He left me worse off than I had been and now all that's between us is a scared question we probably had left in our heads after he broke up with me that first time. And that's what this probably is just a 'what if hookup' type of thing. We drilled that into our heads and made ourselves think we needed to be a couple again because something could have been. I just wish it wasn't this complicated. I don't even know what I feel for him anymore. I don't even know what I want out of this. Do I even want anything out of this? I just sometimes think he hurt me so bad that that might be a reason I said yes and that it makes me maybe feel like I'm important enough to want back. I know my way of thinking is fucked, but it took years to get to where I am now.