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.... Do You Know What Am I Seeing In The Mirror? Do You Know?.... Of Course, That You Don't Know.... I See Myself..... Myself- The Worst Person In The Universe.... I Don't Know.... I'm Just So Abnormal..... I Don't Know Why.... Why me?.... I Want To Be Just Like The Other Girls And Boys.... It Means That I Want To Be Normal.... Why Don't I Have A Good Grades At School? Am I Too Lazy To Learn?.... I Don't Think So.... Maybe A Little But..... No, The Laziness Is Not The Main Reason... It's Something I Don't Know About... Why Am I Obsessed With Skinny Body?.... 'Cause I'm Just No Normal..... Why Want I Cry When I'm Feeling A Little But Really Only A Little Bit Sad?.... 'Cause I'm Very Emotional.... Or Emotionally Unstable.... For Example: Today.... I Started Cry.... You Know.... And When I Realize What I Am, What I Do, How I Feel, How I Act, How Wierd Character I Have.... Just When I Realize That I'm NOT Normal... I Cry... I'm Crying Even Right Now....
I Told To Myslef That Maybe One Day Everything Change And Maybe I Will Be A Little Bit Normal... But No.... Now I Know That I'll NEVER Be A Normal.... I Don't Know Why I Still Go To School.... Why I Go To Bussines Academy When In The Future I Will Work As A Charwoman Or In The Better Case As A Salesgirl.... Even I Don't Know Why I'm Still Alive.... I Want To Die... I'm So Useless In This World... Really.... I Really Don't Know Why I Had To Be Born.... I Want To Kill Myself.... I Tried To Kill Myself... But It's So Hard... Suicide... Suicide... Suicide... That's What I Often Think About... And I've Never Been So Serious Like Now.... Do You Think That I'm So Sorry For Myself?.... No, no.... I'm Not... It's Just Fact... I'm Different Than Other People.... And Everyone Says It To me.... I Want To Be Like Them... Like Normal, You Know.... But It's So Hard... I Can't Overcome Myself.... I Just... I.... I.... God, It's So Hard To Explain It... It's So Hard To Explain How I Feel.... It's So Hard To Explain To Others Who I Am... It's So Hard To Talk With Them About It.... It's So Hard To Talk With Them About How I Feel.... It's So Hard To Talk With Them About My Problems.... When They Ask To Me ''Are You OK?'' I Say Yes... Even If I'm Not.... When They Ask To Me ''Do You Have A Problems?'' I Say No... Even If I Have....
My Mom Cried... For My Sake... Because I'm Different.... She Don't Know That I Know That She Cried... I'm Just Burden For Her.... I'm Burden For All Of My Family.... I Know It... And They Show Me It Everyday....
Maybe I Should Go To A Psychiatrist....
'Cause I Just Hate Myself....