What I Love.

Wanna know what I love?

When people rant to me and ask for advice. I listen, and I give them some, well… sometimes anyway. Sometimes I don’t know.

Funny thing is the only reason I have advice is because I was the one who had to go through it alone. I didn’t have anyone to go to. No one cared when I needed help. Not one.

Sometimes I wonder why I even listen.

Then I realize how weak I am and how hard it is for me to say no.

I’m pathetic.

Then people get mad at me because I end up venting to a wall or in one of these things, where I know no one is listening, and I’m not in the best of moods. That is usually around the time I get asked to help with homework. What makes it worse is that I’ve been asked the same exact problem millions of times by the same freaking person. The only difference is different numbers. I should know, I did them a bazillion times last year in Algebra.

If you work hard, you tend to understand things. When you ask for help every time you come across a different number, you tend to learn nothing. Only piss me off.

What’s worse is that sometimes you ask me and talk to me about things I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT and then expect me to know. I know I should be honored or something, but it is seriously annoying as hell.

Funny part is, that when I get depressed and you decide to care, before I go all suicidal (Oh God forbid I take away your rebound). Funny thing is, I doubt any of you would cry at my funeral because you actually loved me rather than… my presence? Or was it my words… definitely knowledge. Because we all know that, even though you ask for my help incessantly, you’re the smart one.

Anyways, when that time comes… I’m stupid enough to say that it’s nothing. Yeah, then I come up with something stupid to say. Something that will take the light off of me.

I don’t know if that’s being selfless or just stupid.

I feel kind of like a hypocrite.

I can’t open up to people on the level I wish I could… yet I’m glad I don’t just spill my guts at any point in time too.

Ugh,

I hate this.