Dreaming

I paced the room back and forth. The sounds of my high heels clicking against the cold tile echoed through my room. I ran my fingers through my straightened hair, so much different than my normal curly mess. My mind was a mess at the moment. I glanced in the mirror to check my make up, perfect, not a shade out a place. My skirt swished as I continued to pace back and forth. Wondering if what I was about to do was right. I had debated it and seriously considered the consequences of both sides. My mind was still frantic when a knock sounded on my dorm door.

He walked in, so cool and calm. As if nothing was the least bit off. He sat down on my bed and I remained standing. My mind still running frantic, my heart decided to join in the race as it paced at an unusually fast beat.

" Hey..." I said coolly. Think I said to myself THINK. Though my attired my have changed, I had never mastered the role of casual.

He said hey back and we continued to roll into a normal paced conversation. Asking each other about one anther's lives. What had been happening, what we were proud of but we did not venture into any area that would cause upset.

And here was the moment. The moment I had debated over ever since the thought was planted in my mind. Once there I could not help but mull over it until finally I had debated it from every angle possibly known. And it was in this moment that I acted.

It was fast and unplanned really. I stumbled with the buttons of his pants and felt a sigh of relief when I finally was able to remove them. I looked up at him waiting for a response. An answer. An ultimatum. Anything. I waited for him to say stop. I waited and nothing. We looked at each other, searching one another's eyes to see the answer that both of us were looking for. It could not be found.

I opened my mouth to speak then closed it. I closed my eyes taking in a deep breath as I attempted to focus my thoughts. I wanted to be clear headed when I asked, I did not want to have any regrets. I opened my eyes to the intensity of his gaze. For I need to look at him when I asked and I needed to ask. There was no way around this. It must be clear I thought. I opened my mouth again to speak, " Should I stop?" I asked lightly. As smoothly and as evenly as I could manage.

He looked at me as though he was seeing me for the first time all over again. I watched as he too thought about the consequences on both our parts. I saw his eyes get cloudy as he ponder, with me on my knees in front of him. He opened his mouth to speak then he closed it just as I had. He closed his eyes and looked away as he spoke. " I don't know." was all he said.

I stood up and nodded. I turned my back to him as I steadied myself with each breath. I was not upset nor did I feel any bitterness towards him. I simply needed to calm down and regain what self respect I had left. I felt him stand behind me, he pressed up against my back. My eyes were still closed as I continued to steady my fast heart beat. Though he did not know what to do I could feel that his body was sure of one thing. But I did not want this to be made hasty. If anything I wanted it to be enjoyable and drawn out.

I turned to face him. While I was calming down he had removed his shirt and he stood before me in nothing but boxers. I felt my heart begin to race again. I looked at him and started to ask the question again. But my mouth could not form words. I could not think as he moved to touch my waist and my arm. Each touch sending a spark through me. His hands moved lower to my skirt.

" I like these on you." was all he said as I waited for him. It was my turn to answer. My turn to see what he did. I watched calmly or as calmly as I could. He lifted my skirt up slightly revealing the slightest of my thigh.

I was finding it hard to concentrate but I needed to ask again. I needed to ask. But I could not remember what I was suppose to ask. My mind was reeling in each sensation that he was giving me. Every light touch was pushing me further and further into a clouded area. I opened my mouth to speak. " Should..." i paused taking a breath as he pulled my skirt down all the way. " Should we?" I asked quietly. I hated asking but it needed to be done and before I lost myself completely.

He stopped touching me and looked at me. My eyes were already getting lighter and my heart had entered light speed, I could hear its thud in my ears. " You know what this means?" he asked me calmly.

I took a breathe and leaned back against the door. I had to steady myself and my legs felt like jello. " Yes I know what this means. Do you?"

He nodded and stepped towards me pushing me up against the door. " I know what this means." he started to unbutton my shirt and slide it off me. I was standing in front of him in nothing by my bra , underwear and high heels. I moved my hands to touch his chest. He looked at me and smiled.

I couldn't help but laugh. " What is that smile for?"

He moved his mouth to my neck. " I may know what this is, as do you. But the question is, do you remember ?"

I heard my name being called. Over and over. I heard a knocking. I opened my eyes to see my room mate standing above me. " Hey you're going to be late for class. You over slept."

I groaned and rolled to my side looking at my phone. I was going to be late for class. I jumped out of bed and sighed. My mind had basically gone through what was on my mind in a horrible teasing torment of a dream. I sighed as I thought about the outcome. I still was undecided as to how it would end.