What if I told you to just go away?

What if I told you to stop talking; because I won't listen?
And what if I told you to stop listening; because I won't say a word?
What if I told you to stop watching; because I'll never be what you want?
And what if I told you to stop hoping; because I'll never be the miracle you wish for?

What if right when we met I told you to just walk away?
What would you say?
And what if I said it wasn't because I don't care;
But for that very reason?
And what if I said it wasn't because of you;
But because it really was because of me?

All of my friends think I've stopped lying.
Truth is:
I've only gotten better at it.
All of my friends think they know me.
Truth is:
They have no clue.
All of my friends think they should be.
Truth is:
They should have just walked away.

They were right.
I am afraid.
Afraid of letting my guard down.
Afraid of being someone I hate.
Afraid of letting you down.
Afraid of admitting that I don't care.
Afraid to look at my refelection and know that the person staring back really is me.

I can tell you right now:
I'm not what you think.
Not even close.
I'm not what you'll expect or ever want me to be.
I won't even try.
I'm not a friend.
Or someone you should want to be.
I'm not someone you should waste your breath on.
Or wishes on the stars for.
All I am
All I want
And all I'll ever ask for
Is to be remembered.
I don't care for what reason.
And I'll tell you right now
To never count on me.
I will dissapoint you.

.Don't.Ever.Ask.Why.