I'm losing my dad; I'm fighting a losing battle.

This morning I had to take my dad to the courthouse so he could take the restraining order off of my stepmom for when he goes into the hospital. My dad is going to die if we can't get him surgery soon. He's falling asleep on his feet because the pain in his back makes it almost impossible for him to sleep at night. He's on so many painkillers that aren't doing anything for him.

It's starting to affect those around him. I'm so stressed about all of this. I haven't eaten much lately. I don't sleep at night because I'm so anxious about getting "the" phonecall telling me the bad news. It's affecting my schooling. I left school today before I was even fully through my second class because my dad needed to go to the courthouse so my stepmom could watch him. In an hour or so, I have to go over to his house to "babysitt" him until my older sister or stepmom gets out of work to come over and watch him because I have work late tonight and I may not be around this weekend.

I feel so tired and I'm extremely depressed. I don't even have enough energy to focus on myself anymore. My world revolves around him. I can't help but cry some nights and beg God to give me my dad back. I'm not a little girl anymore. I know that. But I still need my daddy. If he dies...who's going to be in the stands with my mom and brother yelling for me at graduation? Who's going to walk me down the aisle when I get married? Who's going to be the grandfather that spoils my children?
March 6th, 2009 at 07:08pm