Today....

May 10, 2009.
It was 5:00 A.M. when I finnaly fell asleep. As my bad luck would have it, I had to get up at 7:00 A.M. Today is my first day meeting my new counselor Dulce. She ws nice, and asked me a series of questions. She asked if I ever hurt myself, of had suicidal thoughts, of course I replied 'Yes'. We did a phsycotherepuetic exercise. And then asked me more questions. My mother told her about my weird sleeping patterns, I either get too much sleep, or not enough. My counselor was startled, nd me about my background. I had been physically and verbally abused growing up. She asked me about school, and friends. Which struck me as unusual, because usually my counselors would never ask those type of questions. The meeting lasted 2 hours. She then gave me another series of questions. She tested me again, and then looked over the results. She said I have 'Trust' issues. Particularly in males. She was scared for me. She then gave me another test. She said that I would need a prescription for depression. She looked me in the eyes, and told me I was strong. Only because I had opened up to my mother, telling her that I was in need of help. If I hadn't, I'd be dead. I was going to commit suicide yesterday. My thoughts raced, my mom found me in the garage by myself, I told her that I loved her, and that I hated life, and that I wanted to end it all. She cried for me. She explained that she doesn't want me to feel anymore pain. Which made me feel worse. I didn't want to cause HER any pain. On the drive home, I got sick. She said " I love you. And you know and I know that your health is failing. Hopefully your health doesn't kill you. And hopefully, you don't kill yourself either."