So ***ing ***ed

I don't even know anymore. I'm really lost and really confused...I wouldn't say I'm happy with who I am...just content. No I fucking hate myself. But I'll live it out, I'm not going to hurt myself. But theres something wrong and theres been something wrong for a while that I've denied and denied to myself repeatedly. Its stupid and wrong and if I ever voiced this to people who really knew me they'd think I'm insane.

Im a girl yes, but this stupid nagggggggggggging feeling has me aching constantly over that fact. I should have been born a boy. Im straight and all, but then Id know Id be straight if I was a guy...I dont have feelings for girls, but I know I should...but only because I should have been a boy. I think its why my self esteem doesnt exist, but who knows anymore?

All this is so fucking horrible and confusing. And theres not anything I can do about it.