i dont understand the penis

ok so i dont understand the penis. 1 minute ur in my arms telling me how comfortable u r with me and how u havent been this happy in a long time. then the next minute ur asking me to find u that girl who will love u for u and not ur $$$ who wants kids and a family soon. HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u sleep in my bed at night, u fall asleep in my arms, u take my pain away that u cause. god what i would do to be ur's, for u to call me urs infront of everyone and not just me. i have been treated like crap from my past relationships u were there u saw everything, n u no i give my partner EVERYTHING!!!! love, time, a shoulder, patience, gifts, unbeleivable memories u'll never forget. but u still cant c that, u did when we went to jersey then the fucking prissy ass cheerleader scum fucking pimple popping sophmore who is ur gf had to write u a sappy ass fake ass apology letter that means shit now cuz she has done nothing in the letter to change. u wanna no y i started crying while i was reading that letter, cuz i knew she just blew all my chances out of the water and now im a dying fish out of water. but thats ok cuz ur gonna find me the greatest guy in the world but if u find 1 i cant reject him right away. hello im katie who have i rejected....NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!! n then i tell u im going away this weekend and u tell me to wait and give u my keys so u can c me before i leave?!?!?!?!? and people wonder y my brain is fried. then the other night i told u i liked this guy and he might like me and u automatically say that we have to stop being partners, i never said i was gonna date him or if he wanted to date me, y anyone would want to date me is beyond me, maybe its my personality or my big heart. i cant say no to anyone and the people i say no to yell at me for it. so were is the even ground? dude like i have said before u can have and do whatever u want in the day but at night ur mine, ur in my bed sleeping with me under the covers, tell me u dont love me will be the next ? i asked u when its just us, i want to know what ur answer really is. can u love me? can u look past the outside, obviously u can we have sex a lot hellllllooooooo. u have my initials tattooed on ur back. i no u care about me but its just hard when i just got out of a serious relationship that was built of sex and not friendship. u no how much a relationship built off sex sucks!!! u think its love because u make urself become vonerable for them and to try new things but in the end its just sex that u cant feel anymore, u body becomes numb to it and u just lay there with a smile on ur face to make him feel like u actually want it. but u i love it with. u make me feel alive u make me feel wanted u make me feel like im invisible, u make me feel like shit when u leave my house and my arms to pick up that peice of trash fake ass bitch u call a girlfriend, i didnt want to fall for u like this, but when u fix my hair when we sleep or when u hold my hand in the car it just makes my heart fill with love for u. yea ill look for a girl for u but i wont find 1 hopefully u can c that the girl of ur dreams is the girl ur talking to on the phone right now, can u hear the tears being held back, can u hear my heart break. can u hear me!!!!!!!!!!!!!