Teen Suicide

As some of you may know, that by reading this title, that this journal entry is about suicide. My suicide. I'm not very proud of it. But I feel that I should tell my experience with it.

April 9, 2009 (Gerard Way's Birthday)

My family left for the night. 4 whole hours to myself. I'm standing at the kitchen counter, staring at the phone. While at the same time, tears are streaming down my face. I'm thinking about, how great life would be, if I wasn't around. I convince myself that life would be better without me. So I grab a kitchen knife, and cut both of my wrists. I remember sitting on the floor. My own blood, all around me. I begin to feel lighter, and dizzy. I can feel the blood, gushing out through my slit wrists. I then realized, that if I do this to myslef, that I'm also hurting all the people I love and care about. I couldn't do this to them... that's when the thought of my friends and family popped into my head. 'I want to live!', I begin to think. I feel sick. I begin to regret what I've just done. I can hear the phone ringing, I try to reach for it, but I have no energy. My eyes feel heavy, but I try my best to keep them open. I don't want to die! I want to live to see my family & friends! I want to live my life! I can't feel my hands. My vision get weak. 'Don't take me!' I plead. I begin to feel like I'm about to throw up. My blood begins to slow. I can feel my heartbeat getting weaker. Then I close my eyes....

I heard the door open. 'They must be home early', I thought to myself. I can hear footsteps approaching. The I hear a loud scream. 'Call an ambulance!', the voice says.....

I wake up, and I'm in a hospital. I'm all alone in a dark room. My wrists were covered with bandages. My tounge feels like sandpaper. My doctor walks in, 'You're very lucky to be alive', he tells me.

Lucky?