***!! i am so depressed

my life is so fucked up right now first i have to move to a new country then my dad had a hard time finding a new job theres not much money right now and my brothers friend died and he went out drinking to night i feel like hes a hypocrite because ive never admitted this but i look up to him because he was always like i am never gonna drink and i don't know what will happen if my dad finds out bout this i swear i feel like this life sucks although i have never had thoughts of suicide i feel like id rather die that live through this shit but i wouldn't want to leave my friends i wish things would go back to the way they were but i know that will never gonna happen and i have to face the fact that i am growing up and i have to live with the mistakes i hope i never commit
thanks to anybody who took the tme to read i needed to get that out