a girl can wish can't she

if you could go back and change something would you?
i neve would but i was thinking.
if i had told someone about Sammi would he still be here? Would i not hate myself?
The worst part is i dont think i could change anything.
i wish i could i really wish i could.
i wish i could have gone instead of mikey. That i could have gone through all that and not him. I would gladdly take him place. he loved life, he wanted to live. I on the other hand, sometimes i hate life. sometimes i wish i could just stop and not go on.
but then i think. what would they think of me not wanting to live.
MIkey would hit me with his keys. They hurt more than you think they would.
Sammi would poke me until i wanted to kill him.
and jamel, he would just look at me with those eyes.
i wish i could do everything they wanted to.
i will go to the beach and do what mikey wanted.

anyhoo on a brighter note.

Saturday i'm getting my hair cut and what not with miss Cari-Leigh
and sunday im going shopping with my brother. scary rightt

well tis all for now. im going to go get in the shower.
mmm cleann