Ugh.

Sometimes, I wonder if the guy I like just thinks I'm annoying. We've liked each other for 3 years, and we finally ended up kissing last month, but nothing happened beyond that because we live too far away... for all we like each other, we've only literally met maybe 4 times. Wierd, but I haven't liked anyone more than him, really.

So I guess since then, we've talked more, and I've missed him more, and we've flirted more, but I still wonder if it annoys him. Was that one time enough for him to still like me, or is that feeling gone for him? Is it even worse, like it got with me? Does he think about me? Does he care about me as much as I care about him? Does he miss me?

I talk to him all the time, but I can't ask him... it'd just be awkward. It'll only do more harm than good talking about what we can't have anyway. I'm not going to make it hurt more.

But I still wonder. I'm sure some people out there understand. It'd just be nice to know that someone special is thinking about you, y'know?

Besides that, I'm pretty bitter right now. A bit of a woman scorned and feeling a little teased that he said something first and then decided it can't work long distance. Not to mention when he mentions someone else that he thinks is pretty to me, no matter what he's said about me too. It's unfair. Sometimes, I feel like he's playing with me. Or maybe he wants to know I still care too.

Sometimes, I just want to get a boyfriend here to get back at him, or to see what he thinks, or to just get my mind off of him.

That bastard.

I don't think I'll ever understand boys. I'm just ready for all this to be worked out now. Hopefully, this journal was enough to get some of it out of my system.