life sucks

I hate my life. i am so tired with the shit that is going on. My father is a drunk and can be abusive at times. I have no relationship with him. I was talking to my step father and he said the reason dad relapsed and started drinking again was cause of me. Its my fault because i put 2 much stress on my father. that just got me pissed. with all this going on i started cutting myself just over a year ago.

I knew he had been drinking for a year and only told a few people i trusted until a few months ago.

My father says im his world and he would do anything for me but he starts drinking again knowing its killing him with every drink he takes. this makes me feel useless, unwanted. l
i just want to die, i have tried to commit suicide, i cut i feel so bad. my life is a total mess.

only a few friends know i cut. i kept it away from them for 9 months but i felt it was best if i told them. i dont eat, im always sick, i just feel so horible.

i dont know how much longer i can take this pain