Me Being Me

I haven't eaten anything today. I feel as though if I don't, maybe things will get better. Maybe I'll finally get a boyfriend. Maybe I'll be the friend everyone wants to hang out with. Maybe I'll stop being the girl everyone cheats off of. Maybe I'll get skinny, and all my problems will go away. I'm sick of being everyone's last resort. I'm sick of hearing all these girls complain about their 50th boyfriend. I don't weigh much. I've lost a ton of weight and I don't feel THAT fat anymore. There's always room for improvement, I say. Maybe I just need a distraction from life right now. It's all I can think about: if I'm losing a couple ounces, a couple pounds. I haven't been this obsessed with food in a while. It poses as something to think about. I just feel as though if I lose weight, everyone will accept me. I haven't gotten this way in a while. For the past couple months, I've been eating healthy, exercising. People can bitch, and complain, but it's just this one day. I'm driving myself insane. No one cares. I sound like a whiny, little bitch but at this point in time, I feel like the only people who fully care about me, are myself, and my parents. I've told myself that yeah, everyone can go fuck themselves, but I get tired of saying it. I feel left out. I feel fat. I feel stupid. Then again, I feel skinny. I feel like I'm too smart for this. I feel completely beautiful, but like I said, maybe, just for today, I need a distraction from reality. Everyone around me is changing and leaving, and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm changing myself, but I feel like I'm changing for the better. I've always been the nice kid, the shoulder to cry on, and lately, people treat me like I'm a piece of shit. Like I'm worthless. I don't know if they realize how their actions affect me, but they sure as hell do. I always feel like the odd one out and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of waiting for people to change for the better. Being nice gets you nowhere at all. I'm sick of doing my homework and getting made fun of because of it. I wish I could be stupid. I've been doing so good lately, and all of a sudden, everyone around me has just stopped caring. It's like I'm sitting on the ground, screaming for everyone to listen to me, and they just walk past, don't even spare me a glance. This isn't a weight issue. It's as if I know I should eat, and not doing it gives me this feeling. I feel like I'm getting away with something. This time tomorrow, I'll be eating again, exercising. I'll stop being a little whiny bitch. I'll stop yelling for help, or trying to fit in. I'm done being nice. It's gotten me nowhere at all. I'm sick of being the odd one with my friends. I'm sick of being the outcast with everyone. Done.