Which Way Now?

It seems as my life takes its course, I end up thinking about death. I love my new boy friend, but my Ex's think its they're job to look after me. Why can't everyone just leave me alone? Just give me space to breathe. I've already tried to over dose on painkillers ( about 100 ), that I like to make myself bleed. It makes me feel real, feel ever so human. So now it's high time I decide if living is better then dieing an early death.......... But if kill myself everyone would be sad especially my boyfriend. But he'll get over it hopefully, without to much blood shed. If I go on with living it's just going to get harder, because of the untreatable bipolar. It makes my emotions even more hay wire then they already are.