"Do you like to hurt?" "I do, I do." "Then hurt me."

I feel so drained lately.

Sick of everything.

Sick of living with my friends.
Sick of being home after six hours.
Sick of drama.
Sick of feelings.
Sick of being in the middle of disputes between friends.
Sick of having people tell you their feelings and then having to watch what you say all the time in case you let something slip that you shouldn't have.
Sick of hearing about his girlfriend.
Sick of being his ex-girlfriend.
Sick of hoping she'll break up with him when she goes to Europe.
Sick of feeling like a horrible person for hoping she'll break up with him when she goes to Europe.
Sick of work hating me.
Sick of having to put on a face for everyone I work with.
Sick of having no money because I have no shifts because I called in sick so many times for someone who just fucked me over in the end.
Sick of not being able to listen to Florence and the Machine the same way ever again.
Sick of people saying things that they don't mean.
So FUCKING sick of social anxiety.
Sick of second-guessing the motives of everyone I know.
Sick of people talking about you when you're right next to them but you have your headphones on so they think you can't hear them.
Sick of people talking about sex.
Sick of people talking about drugs.
Sick of taking drugs.
Sick of not having sex.
Sick of people I used to be friends with who I really cannot give a fuck about any more.
Sick of not being able to write.
Sick of not being able to sleep.
Sick of not being able to go anywhere without bittersweet memories - front porch, back porch, backyard, living room, bedroom, parents' bedroom, kitchen, dining room, sidewalks, taxis, buses, bus stops, trains, Lilydale trains, Box Hill station, Croydon station, Healtherfuckingdale station.
Sick of cigarette burns.
Sick of checking my phone even when I know I don't have messages.
Sick of holding hands with someone when you fall asleep and waking up thinking it's the person you really want.
Sick of walking home after four AM.
Sick of sore muscles.
Sick of my fucking face.
Sick of not being able to help the people who I care most about in the world.