I've just had three days of boredom, I tell you now. I've been off school because of this stupid freaking cold or whatever it is (and today I went to sleep at four pm, it's now five thirty). I hate missing school because I have heaps to catch up on and ugh, it just sucks. I have two fourty minute presentations to give out next Wednesday and Friday to some rotten Year 9 classes which also kind of sucks, seeing as I couldn't even do last year's three minute English speech.
Would someone like to lend me some courage?
Now, just for a moment, I would like to complain about my sister. She is being a complete cow. Yeah, I mean, she's nice sometimes, I just get kind of angry at her when I spend an hour cleaning my room and then she decides to go through and lift everything up, looking for a t-shirt to wear for St Patrick's Day - and then she went through my jewellery, too. And left a huge mess on my floor.
Then, she comes home at 11:30pm, drunk, (which is early for her, though) and decides she is going to sleep in my bed (her room is at dad's house and I moved out about ten months ago). The worst part is that even though I am "less sick" than my brother, who has also taken school off, I still needed my damn sleep. I didn't get to sleep until after twelve and she made me wake up at quarter to seven so she could talk about her night last night, and how she got so drunk because people kept buying drinks.
I nearly stabbed her.
The worst part is that when I was up, she didn't move. I like to get ready for school in my room. I can't not listen to music while I get ready. But instead, because she likes to ruin everything, I had to get dressed in the bathroom. I HATE getting ready in the bathroom, at all. I just, I hate it. I had to grab everything I need and leave to she could get some sleep. She kept complaining and saying, "Oh my GOD it's so fucking cold!" every single fucking second and argh, it just really annoys me.
(Keep in mind that this is the sister who pretty much moved into my room at dad's, and then I moved out [for different reasons] and she took over it.) She called us lazy today too, and I couldn't stop laughing. Hypocrite.
Anyway, the real topic of this journal is this guy I've been dating for just over a week. And let me tell you, he is cute. We kissed at my party (the fifth) and started going out the Monday after that. And like, there's nothing wrong with that, at all. I really, really like him.
The problem is that I realised why I shouldn't have a boyfriend. Last time, the thing with my dad happened and all this shit happened and it took me ages to get over, and to be honest, I'm just damaged. I don't want that to happen because he is really quite amazing, but I don't know. I get...sad (I think that's the word) and boring when I'm around him but I love talking to him...about everything. We haven't been dating that long, but I'm already starting to, I don't know, trust him? And that, well that is a feat in itself. But I know, for sure, that I can't trust him fully. It's just me. I can't. I don't trust guys.
Another thing I've noticed is that my friends are going to come up to me soon and say, "Oh my, why aren't you kissing and hugging and holding hands? You make it look like you don't want to be with him."
Which isn't true. At all. It's because you guys are around all the freaking time and I'm never alone with him and it's you who is judging what we are supposed to be, not me. I want things to last, so why not take it slow? (Just a heads up.)
What do I do? I am so~ confused.
(This wasn't supposed to be that long. Sorry. I just needed a rant.)
Not registered?
Create an account