This is too hard!

This is too hard! I can't deal with this anymore!
I'm sad.
I'm happy.
I'm frustrated,
heartbroken,
sick,
angry,
bursting with love,
burning with hate,
tired,
disgusted,
sorry,
stressed,
worried,
and annoyed!

14 year olds shouldn't have to deal with all this (excuse me) shit! I'm 14! I'm not like 30!

My family is messed.
I can't help but smile because it's the only way to hide the tears.
I know I can't hide the tears forever.
I fell in love with someone I shouldn't have.
I'm physically and mentally sick of everything.
They are so stupid! They don't get anything!
I love him. I love my friends. I love my family.
I hate my friends. I hate my family.
I can't handle all these emotions at once! I'm tired of it!
I'm disgusted with myself - I shouldn't be aloud to walk this planet with people like you!
I'm sorry I did that to you.
So much things to think about, so much to do, not enough time!
What if I fail?
WHY CAN'T MY LIFE BE NORMAL?!

I just walked a mile after hanging out with my friends making sure to whack myself nice and hard on my thighs with the branch I found, at first it made all the pain go away but now I'm just in more pain. I want to cry but Daddy told me never to cry because only the weak let life get to them.

I just want my Dad and i want to live him - I want out of all this drama, I want to start a new life.

And now I'm crying.
I'm sorry Daddy.

): ): :'(